Trust Issues

Hey Everyone! It's Monday morning again.  I am 4 days post Simply For Life.  What have  I learned in that time - It's hard to start trusting myself with food.  Damnit I knew it wasn't going to come easy.  That it wouldn't just be a switch that I flipped and ta-da Alicia can make all the yummy food and eat it in perfect portions then put it away. 

It's going to take time, effort and self awareness.   I need to focus on my eating - not reading an article & eating or watching another addictive episode of something or other on Netflix & eating.  This is so foreign to me to eat without saying I'm on a diet or I can't have that it's not on my plan.   Then the flip side of that coin is not shoveling in the food so fast that I don't taste it.  To not sit with my face inches from my face, claw like grip on the plate, wild eyes inhaling the food that I took the time to prepare with love.  I have eaten like this so that it was done and over quickly - I always felt judged about the food choices I was making.  If I ate outside of the diet plan - was I being judged as a lazy fat slob who obviously doesn't care how fat she gets? If I ate on plan - were the whispers I feared be that I must be faking this healthy eating life because look at her she is still fat?  Those were the worries I had every single meal I ate.  Every single time I took a bite of something in public. 

Unfortunately these aren't fears that will go away overnight. I must learn patience  - even though that is not my strongest virtue.  I will need to remind myself that I am perfect as I am, that I deserve to eat food that makes me feel good.  I need to take this journey one day at a time.  Today's goal is to eat 1 meal mindfully.  I will sit at a table, one bite at a time.  I will pause between bites and sip water.  Slow things down and just enjoy the foods that I have chosen to fill myself with today.

Have a great Monday everyone! 

 

When Quitting Isn't Giving Up

This week has been filled with some big learning and aha moments.  For the last 7 months I have been on a journey to learn how to eat, how to move my body & how to make better choices.    I have done this with the help of the fantastic ladies at my local Simply For Life.  During my time with them I have lost 20lbs making my total weight loss 40lbs.  I have learned so much from my consultant. 

Lately I've been learning more about trusting my body, learning to love her & taking care of it better.   Because of everything that I have learned through both Simply For Life and my own zest for research, books & anything data based, I have decided that it is time to close the book on the weekly weigh ins at Simply For Life.   It's time to pull up those big girl panties and practice what I have learned.

So for the first time in a long time, while I am leaving this journey at Simply For Life I don't feel as though I am giving up or that I have failed.  I feel like this leg of my journey has come to an end for now.  I know that if I need to I can return at anytime and they would welcome me with open arms.

It was a hard decision to come to, I feel like I am breaking up with my consultant.  Deep down though, I know that she will be proud of my decision and support me 100% and that if I ever need her she will be there for me.

My hopes and dreams for this fresh phase that I am embarking on are that I learn to eat in the middle, that food is not  good or bad but use it to fuel and satisfy my body.  That I trust myself to dust off my apron and cook my little heart out - that was something I gave up as I gained weight because I no longer felt I could trust myself.   (If you are looking or a new cookbook I HIGHLY suggest Andie Mitchell's - Cooking in the Middle.   I bought the kindle version but now I am dying for the hardcover hold in my hands version.)  That I move my body in ways that she appreciates and enjoys.  Most of all that I am happy, that I can enjoy life and not focus on the number on the scale so much.  Cheers to new beginnings.

Wasting Time & How I'm Stopping The Cycle

I remember being in middle school knowing I was the fat friend.   The ugly duckling.  I thought this at 110lbs & was a size 4 to 6 through these years.  In reality I wasn't fat - I had a strong body from being active in sports.  Looking back at photos I now realize how beautiful I was.

Enter the high school years, I still felt the same way (if I am being honest with you I still feel this way most of the time) - even more so as I stopped being as active and started to become more interested in boys.  By the time 12th grade came I had gained 20lbs and that started my first "diet".  I "needed" to lose weight for prom.  I walked every day but I never changed my eating habits.  Junk food and late night snacking kept the weight steady.

Since then I have been on one type of diet or another and if I wasn't - hellllllo binge eating.  Or both at the same time. Some may think that is impossible but it's not.  I would spend days being so strict and on track and not listening to what my body was saying.  Hell I forgot that she even had a voice.  I've spent over 1/2 my life hating how I look. With each passing year the weight that I would lose while on a diet would come back on the moment that I stopped.  Every single pound and a lot of times even more would creep on.

The last 17 years of my life have been spent filled with self loathing, anxiety, tears, frustration and restriction.  Moments have passed me by that I wish that I had of grasped in my hand and held tight to.   I have stayed in the shadows instead of dancing in the sunlight and trying something new.  The fear of judgement chokes me even now.  I have lived my life waiting - waiting to be thin enough, pretty enough, sexy enough - just enough.

Lately I have been hearing whispers,  whispers that have grown into loud, strong & proud voices that tell us that we don't need to feel this way. That we can love our bodies as is.  We don't need to starve ourselves, we can feed our bodies and our souls with the nourishment that they desire and deserve.  We need to live life not let it pass us by.  That life will look different for everyone.  For me it looks like being happy, contentment and surrounding myself with my husband and children.  It sounds like laughter, joy & happiness.  It will take hard work, this isn't going to be easy changing a lifetimes worth of negativity & anxiety.  I've come this far and I am ready to let go of the past and fall in love with the future.   If you want to do the same but don't have a sweet clue how to get started ~ here are some great links to get you started on your journey.  These women have all touched a part of me and have started turning on the lights to chase away the darkness.

Kelsey Miller & The Anti-Diet Project
Erin Brown
Geneen Roth
Andie Mitchell

Have you ever.....

Have you ever had one of those conversations where it started about something completely different and then all your stress turns to tears and you break down about a completely different subject?  Oh, it's just me?  That is how most mom's feel.  You feel alone in the struggle - that there is no way anyone else could be going through the same thing.  Why does no one ever tell you how much you will beat yourself about EVERYTHING when you become a mom.  When you leave the hospital these should pass you a guide that tells you how many lashings you should give yourself over what YOU think are your infractions.

When I went to the weigh in today, even before I stepped on the scale I was berating myself again for what I was sure would be another zero loss week or even a gain.   My consultant asked me how my week was going, on the tip of my tongue was  my standard answer - "fine".  Cause let's face it - I tend to keep my insecurities and failures hidden so that I don't feel like I am being judged.  Then I started talking about taking my puppy to training classes and explaining how that was my workout for the day - trust me, with Charlotte it is a full body workout lol.   I felt the tears well up in my eyes unexpectedly and my words started coming faster than I could think.  I told her I felt like a failure on all levels, as a wife, mom, housekeeper & a friend. I was able to give example after example of why I was failing.  

Why do we do this to ourselves?  Deep down I know that my house is not going to be clean all the time - I live with a husband, two children and a dog & cat who both think they are humans.  I am not Martha Stewart - sometimes a beautiful meal will be served and sometimes it will be a serve yourself kinda deal.   What I do know is that when my little boy gets off the bus he runs straight into my arms - I take an inhale and smell all that is good, happy and know that I am loved by him.  I know that my daughter - god help me through the teen years - is still my little girl.   My husband - lets talk about my husband for a moment.  He is my best friend, love of my life and I couldn't imagine a world that I am in without him there by my side.  No it isn't all roses all of the time - but we make it work.  

Today I am calling a truce with myself.  I will be kind and treat myself with love.  I will take the time to do what I need to be healthy, happy and whole.  I am responsible for me.   I invite you to do the same.  Tell me what is the one thing you do for yourself that makes you a better mother, wife, friend - hell just a better woman. 

An Inspiration? Who Me?

Last night I received a facebook message from a friend and in it she said that seeing my posts on fitness had inspired her to start getting active again.  I immediately thought - "Who? Me?"  How could I give someone else inspiration when there are days still that I am not even my own inspiration.


A year ago I never thought that I could be anyone's inspiration.  You see at the beginning of this year I started on this journey of mine that was no longer about losing the weight.  It wasn't about being the skinniest bitch on the block.  What it was about was stopping the hateful things that I was saying to myself - believe me even the biggest bully had NOTHING on what I could say to tear myself down.   By no way am I near the end of this journey but I have come a long way.  I don't hate myself anymore.  Now I see a strong, beautiful woman who has fantastic form at TRX ;) I am proud of what I accomplish, the fact that I don't give up as easily.  That I am getting out there an trying new things - old me would have been too paralyzed by anxiety of "not doing it right" to even walk into a gym class full of strangers, let alone going there and rocking it. 

All of these changes make me feel fantastic inside and out.  I know that the inches are coming off (slowly), I don't keep a close track on them cause I am no longer a slave to the scale (meaning I no longer weigh myself at least 10 times a DAY - that's right, day - not month, not week - a DAY) I don't beat myself up on days that I mess up by not working out or eating properly.  If something sinfully delicious is wanted - I indulge, enjoy every moment and move on.   I have more joy, relaxation, patience and happiness in my life.  I have less tears, anxiety and days that I want to bury my head in the blankets and not want to get out of bed.

I now go to class with no fear and worry.  I am not constantly thinking - can my body even do these classes? Instead I go and I simply do.my.best.  If I need to modify the move, OK - If I need to modify the modifier - OK.  Really that is all we can do.   Just try.  Don't give up and everyday we get stronger, better and more fulfilled.    

Some may not like that my facebook is filled with "brags" about my workouts, or what I am eating or how great I feel now. But if I can just let one person know that it's ok and that they can do it too and not to give up then I'm #sorrynotsorry

I used to worry constantly about how others perceived me, worried that they would look down on me because of the stuff that I share on here then I remember that someone else might be struggling with the same thing and it might help them.  To hear that I am giving someone else a little bit of inspiration I was so honored and humbled.  I thank that person for reaching out to me.  Remember guys - you're all the reason that somebody else is inspired.  

Why I Didn't Fail Today

Geez my posts sure are sporadic and I apologize to what I am sure are the 3 people who read my blog.  But really this isn't about how many views I have or how many followers...I just like a spot where I can share what is going on in my head and clear it out to make space for my life.

Let me tell you what I have been up to lately......

I crawled out of my comfort zone, legs shaking - heart racing and climbed up the stairs to a local gym - though I hate to call it a gym cause it is really so much more.   Even from before the moment that I crossed the threshold, the owners and instructors were so supportive.  It's like an extended family. One that cares about how I made out in class when the owner messages me to see how I am.  One that I curse in my mind when the spin instructor says just 20 more seconds and my body wanted to give up 15 minutes before.  One that I sweat for when I think that my body is going to give up and I give it just one more rep.  I love it because it isn't a gym where you just go to "pump zee iron" (insert bad Schwarzenegger impression here) It's all classed based, fun, up-beat environment.  Where EVERY class they be sure to make us all know - modify as needed and just do what you can do. 


And I did.   Until today.  Till I couldn't.

Today I actually had to leave the class after only being there for 15 minutes because it was causing severe physical discomfort and I knew that pushing through it would be very very bad for me.  I walked away from the devil's contraption (also known as a step) and walked up to the instructor and said "I can't" and walked away. 

My body carried me to my flip flops and gym bag.  On auto pilot I walked down the stairs and out to my car.  The moment that my sweaty, tired and sore body sat in the seat - tears welled up in my eyes. I can't tell you, even now, if those tears were because I was mad, embarrassed or even proud.    Cause I think there was a little of all three in there.  Embarrassed cause I gave up and walked out of that class in front of all those other people.  Mad because my body couldn't do what I demanded.  But mostly I am DAMN proud of what it can do. The fact that I made it 15 minutes and not 0.  The fact that I got out of my car when I wanted to stay in it cause I realized it was a step class.  The fact that I am not giving up.  I might have walked out, but one day I will return and conquer that class.    I wont do it quickly, it will be at my own pace but it will be flippin' amazing when I do. 

To me just because I left doesn't mean I failed. It means I tried.  I know that I won't "ace" all of these classes but I know that while I am there I give it everything I have.  For a long time I lived with a fear of failure.  EVERYTHING had to be perfect.  It has taken me oh so long to realize that life isn't perfect, it's messy, hard, beautiful & oh so worth while.   My goals, hopes & dreams will come true because I am working for them not sitting here worrying about imperfection.

And you know what?  Tomorrow is a new day, with new challenges and I get to do it all over again :)

I'm Back!

For my whole life I have felt like I didn't know what to do. Not with my life, with my children & even in love I felt unsure. Who knew that a silly internet quiz would awaken in me the urge, no the absolute need to put words to paper (or fingers to keys) I grew up mediocre, never excelling at anything. Starting new ideas and never following through. I had big dreams but no idea how to make any of them come true. Hell, I didn't even know which of them were truly mine and which were what every one else wanted me to be. That's the problem with a people pleaser. You go about your life making everyone else happy and then you wind up 32, very overweight, lonely and depressed. You realize that you no longer know how to make you happy.

For me I can pinpoint the exact moment in my life that this indecisiveness landed in my lap. I walked in to my senior year confident, beautiful and loved by my friends and boyfriend. In my short 18 years of life I had wanted to be a dancer, singer, an actress, model, fashion designer, lawyer, a physcologist, a teacher & a chef. Senior year should be an exciting time in life, I mean shouldn't you have it all figured out by then? I can honestly say that I didn't. I felt pulled in so many directions. Then somehow it just all started falling apart. I grew distant from my friends, I started gaining a little weight and this overwhelming fear of failure set in. Each career choice that I would consider I would create such a list of cons that I would end up discarding it. Everyone was giving me their opinion on what I should do with my life. When it came time for me to start my work term class, I thought that I wanted to be a chef. Then panic set in as I was having my interview with a local restaurant to job-shadow. I left the interview in tears and I went home to my mom and hysterically sobbed – I don't want to be a chef. I couldn't explain why. Just that I didn't want to do it anymore. So what was I going to do, I had to do something for the work term. I ended up taking an easy way out - an internship in the music department of the elementary school. From there I thought maybe a teacher is my calling. I convinced myself four plus years of schooling is not my cup of tea. Then comes the time that college applications have to be. I still had no clue what I wanted to do. I felt crazy pressure to make the absolute right choice, no mistakes allowed. Everyone has always said how I am so much like my mother. If that is the case shouldn't I follow in her footsteps and be a human service counsellor? So that's what I did. Though I enjoyed this career in theory. I quickly learned that I was not cut out for it. I have wasted so much of my life regretting the decision to attend college for human services. The money that I wasted. The fact that I now have no education in any other field. I've allowed it to taint all future decisions. Never really trusting myself to make the right decision on anything. Always seeing regret in anything that I do. Fear of failure keeping me from trying new things. I've allowed myself to live a sheltered life in a bubble and never really reaching out there to grasp what I want. Please don't get me wrong. I am very blessed in my life, I adore my children and I love my husband beyond a doubt.

There is so much pressure to have it all figured out. To know exactly where you are going. I applaud those who do. I think that is amazing. I just don't operate that way and it took me a long time to figure that out, and an even longer time accepting and loving that about myself. It is part of what makes me, well, Me.

I now look back at that decision to attend college for human services as just one choice in a life filled with many. While not perfect, I am who I am meant to be at this moment. I'm learning to live in the moment. Throwing away those could have, should have, would haves. Not worrying about the what if's, not waiting for my life to be perfect. Living in the moment and enjoying every minute. 

 

I can't promise what the topics will be in this blog, but I can promise that they will be authentically me. Sometimes your going to tune in to fitness, fashion, life & sex.  So if you are still hanging around grab a cup of tea, and welcome to my life. 

 

It's Been A While

I've always been a people pleas-er, do whatever I can for you kind of person.   It has caused me incredible pleasure AND pain over the years.  Pleasure when you feel the warmth and love come back from the persons who's life you have touched.  Pain when it's done cause people feel they can walk all over you and you get nothing from them in return.  Over the years I have learned to push some of that away.  Those people and moments aren't gone completely but now I hold them at a distance where they have a harder time breaking through my walls I have built to keep the pain out.  Truth be told I've even kept some of the good in my life at bay in fear that it would hurt me too. 

What does this have to do with my weight loss journey?  Well, you see I have a wonderful husband (who also drives me completely nuts - hey no-one is perfect) and two great kids.  I have been struggling with my weight for years cause I always put everyone and everything else first. 

Today, my husband had a doctors appointment for some blood work results.   His tests came back fine but he was told to lose 20 lbs. 

I jumped with joy when I heard this and my first thoughts were well maybe now you can lose weight yourself since he has to as well.  It was my chance to be a do-gooder, to lend that helping hand and to do something for someone else.  For SOMEONE else.  not for me....Why do I depend so much on everyone else being happy.  How do I learn to put myself first?  I need to make this MY journey - he can have his own.  But I want to be the star of my journey.  I no longer am comparing myself to anyone else's highlight reel.  I am only in competition with myself.  All that matters is that I love me no matter what and that I keep getting back up when I fall down.  

How I am going to do this - I have no clue.  But I am guessing that it will be one step (a baby one) at a time.   My first goal is to lost 5% of my weight. (That around 13 - 14 lbs) and my first step to doing it - cut out the pop.  This is always my hardest on to do, pop seems to creep right back up there and sneak back into my fridge.   

Tomorrow marks a fresh start for me - I am getting a makeover - stay tuned for the before and after.  Doing this is completely out of my comfort zone - I tend to be a little on the stingy side with doing things for myself. 

Work What Your Mamma Gave You

I have been blessed, by both genes and gaining weight to have ginormous boobs.  There I said it.  I have been wanting to have a breast reduction done for YEARS.  at a HH cup they are killing my back & my pocket book (1 bra = $80) I actually got up the nerve to go to my doctor for a referral. He said sure but he is going to tell you to loose weight, like 100 lbs.  I was ok with him telling me that.  I am in the midst of loosing weight and that's about where I want to end up.   What threw me for a loop was when the plastic surgeon wouldn't even see me or keep me on file until I loose another 118 lbs (I've lose 10.4 since June ~ Go Me!)  At first I had a pity party - bawled my eyes out - had those moments of self doubt that I would never be able to loose that weight. But then I remember Hells Yes I can do this, I can do anything I want.  Just gotta put my mind and body to work.  I am the only thing that can stand in my way on this.  No one can tell me I won't be able to do it, they can't tell me that it's going to be really hard (no shit, nothing worth while comes easy)

I have changed so much over the last few months.  I used to let my weight hold me back and not be able to enjoy life.  There are things I have never done - so I am making a bucket list of things that I have never done and things that I used to do that I gave up as the weight came on.   I am hoping to cross off one item a month.   These things used to cause me panic attacks at just the thought of doing them.  Fear of being ridiculed or of not knowing how to do it.  But no more. I am perfect just the way that I am.  I love that my body is able to do things that I never thought that I would be capable of doing.  I just love my body period.  Sure it's got a lot of curves, but it's also has some amazing muscles and a hot ass ;)

So here is my bucket list in no :
Tubing
Play catch
Golf
Play pool
1/2 Marathon
TreeGO (its ziplines, climbing and walking along the top of the tree line)
Learn to drive a 4wheeler

I am sure as the year goes on I will be adding to my list (And crossing them off)  And as for those 118LBS,  I will get there one day in the near future.  Just taking it one pound at a time!

Monday Goal Link UP

Ok ya'll I am seriously bad at completing my goals! Ugg it is so frustrating. Mondays come and I picture a fantastic goal in my head for the week, write it down and put it out there. Then by Tuesday I always seem to fall off the wagon.   Especially the food part of the goals.  Exercise I am pretty bang on right now.  Like, really WTF?  It makes me question whether I am really committed to changing my life.   I truly am.  I have made a ton of changes over the last few months.  I love myself NOW. Not 100+ lbs from now.  That feels great.  I have stopped crying over every lbs not lost.  I don't stress about it, I am just focusing of actually living and trying new things and enjoying every moment with my family.

With that being said here are my goals for this week:

Goal 1 - Be more accountable - My Body Media has arrived!  I will be logging my food through MFP and it syncs with Body Media - So far I am loving it! A real eye opener.  I promise I will do a post on it later in the week.

Goal 2 - Do something outside of my comfort zone.  I don't know what it will be - maybe play pool or golf or just something new that I don't normally do.

~Weekly Goals Link-Up~

It's that time of the week to set new goals and link up with Jess over at Operation Skinny Jeans.  

Considering how horribly I have fallen behind in actually accomplishing the goals that I set. I figured that its time to erase my slate and forgive and forget.  So I am not even going to review the goals from last week.

I think part of why I have not been as diligent lately is because I am getting sick and tired of swimming.  I love to swim, I just hate that it's been my only outlet.  I like to sweat.  I need to sweat.   My foot is feeling better and I think it's time that I start broadening my horizons and shrinking my ass.

I am going to revamp from the beginning with 1 diet goal and 1 workout goal each week.  

So back to basics on my goals:

1.  WATER WATER WATER - 4L a day is what I am aiming for.

2.  Do a different exercise routine each workout day + swim 3 times this week. 

I am also doing an it-Works wrap tonight - I will share my results and photos with you tomorrow.  Scary I know - a picture of my stomach being share all over the internet.....what am I thinking! 

~Weekly Goals~

My week has been a long one. I have struggled with my blood glucose levels all week. So by afternoons I have felt pretty wretched. However, I did not miss a meal or scrimp on exercise! 

Here's my week in review:

1.  Eat 2 servings of fruit a day - Didn't quite get this one - I averaged about 1 fruit serving per day

2.  Only indulge in sweet treats 2X a week - Did it!!!!!!

3. Stick to the May Ab challenge this week. - Missed two days.  Back at it today!!!


My Goals for this week:

1.  Have 1 serving of vegetable with each meal. 

2. No white bread or buns

3. Keep a closer eye on blood sugars and remember to take Metformin 2X a day ( I am horrible for this one as I start to feel better I get slack on taking it)


Happy Mothers Day to all the mom's, mom's to be & mom's of fur-babies!  Keep it POSITIVE & Love yourself!

Dear Bully

Dear Bully

In public you act like your the cool kid on the playground. That everyone is your friend and wants to be just like you. You think that you know all the answers and you have that "my way or the highway" mentality.

Your "friends" cower in fear of the day that you will turn on them.  Every comment out of your perfectly painted lips is a negative one.

You don't have a flaw on your perfectly proportioned body. No scars of any kind. No stretch marks on your finely toned body.  But yet you inflict them daily on those around you.  Not physical scars but emotional ones that cut deeper with every word you say.

You snicker lazy behind that fat girls back as she struggles to get through the day.  Not realizing how far she has come, you only seeing how far she has to go.

The kid who has scars is taunted.  Not realizing that each of those scars make her only more beautiful

The underweight girl - you laughingly say she is anorexic. She got there because media is so warped that she strives to want people just like you to like her. 

Some will get stronger with time after they have been hurt by you. Some never will and will shrink within themselves until they are a shell of who they once were.  No longer living life, afraid to put themselves out there for fear of rejection. 

Why do you do it? What is so wrong in your life that you feel the need to destroy everyone else?  Every word that you say to someone else is really just a reflection of what your own internal thoughts are. What it really boils down to - You hate yourself.

You need to give yourself a break.  Look a little closer at you - you're not perfect.  Your perfectly painted lips are a little too big, you have stretch marks from beautiful babies that you carried within yourself.  You call her lazy because you feel you are.  You act like you want every to be under your spell ~ But what you really dream of, that brings the tears at night is that you just wish someone would like you for well, you. 

We need to stop beating ourselves and others up. We need to be more accepting and not tell people how they "should look, should act and what they should say".  Your fine just the way you are.  Make choices that are good for you. Eat healthy and exercise - not out of punishment but because you enjoy it.  You enjoy the way you feel when you've killed that workout.  Don't let others opinions affect you ~ so what if they hate your body, your lifestyle, your blog and your attitude.  It's how you feel about yourself that counts.  I wanted to write this after a lot of my soul searching these past couple of months but I didn't know where to start.  Until I looked at this horrendous website that tears down other peoples blogs.  It made me want to vomit realizing just how mean people really are and what it boils down to is they don't like themselves.  I, for one and done with the negativity.  For myself, for others. All its doing is holding me back from my dreams.....Goodbye bully.

Ummmm....Goal Friday....

Ok so it's not Friday but I still need to set my goals for this week.  The last two weeks I haven't done so great with goal setting. But today is a new day!


Here is last weeks recap:


1.  Cut sweet treats back to 2X a week.  -  I Think that I did a LITTLE bit better on this one...Definitely not 2X but it was a bit better than before.

2.  Go for a 5 minute walk 2X a week - Nope, still a little gun shy on this one.  Scared to take those first steps to see if my ankle is healed...Put on my sneakers once and just couldn't go through with it.  I will revisit this one another time.

3.  Find healthier snack options for the family - Done - Made healthy granola bars today.  I also want to try making Strawberry chips in the oven - my little guy loves those. 



My goals this week are:


1.  Eat 2 servings of fruit a day

2.  Only indulge in sweet treats 2X a week

3. Stick to the May Ab challenge this week. 

Why I Ditched the Scale & Fell in Love WIth Me

I've been overweight my entire adult life.   I gain and I lose, I lose and I gain. Over and over again. This go round has been a little different.  Thanks to a few blogs that have inspired me to change my internal thoughts and feelings.


In the past 2 months I have worked on changing me from the inside  - not focusing on the outside.  I accept myself at the size that I am.  I love me, I no longer say hateful, shameful things to myself.  Occasionally I slip cause Ain't nobody perfect!

I try to eat healthy. Cause honestly I enjoy healthy, clean foods waaaaay more than I do that single indulgence in fatty greasy foods (Except I do love a good burger)  I make sure I swim at least 5-6 days a week.  

With those changes - I have have started shedding weight (still no movement in the pounds department) but I have lost 10" off my waist, plus an additional 6" in other areas.

I have let what that evil scale has said affect my thoughts and feelings way too much.  Don't get me wrong I still get on and check what the number is.  But it doesn't control me like it used to. I don't tend to get upset - it's just a number.  The scale can't tell me how beautiful I am, it doesn't tell me how strong I am. I am rockin' this body and I will rock it as much now as when I hit my happy weight.  I no longer have a number in my head that I want that scale to read.  I want to Live my life without limitations that's my goal :)  Oh and maybe to fit my hot ass into a pair of lulu lemons ;)

PS that pic of me is from my family photos in the fall.  I will do an updated one soon I promise!

~Goal Friday~

Soooo, last weeks goal.....

1.  Cut WAAAAAY back on my sugar intake.  That didn't happen. Hello bulk barn. I did however take the time to notice just how much extra sugar and sweets I am eating - I have a sweet treat at least once a day. Crazy how quick they can creep up on you and just how mindlessly you can eat.

2.  Make a food list of my favorite healthy foods and favorite treat food This one didn't happen either.....

3.  Try 1 new recipe & find 1 new "snack food" recipe to try.  I got this one kinda...Tried a new recipe for a Shrimp & Rice dish.  It was ok, not one that I would do all the time.


I'm not beating myself up about this for the simple reason - I am still working like crazy at this....I didn't hit my goals but there is always next time.  I am loving the changes that I am seeing.  For the first time in 6 years I felt confident & sexy in my own skin yesterday.  I looked bangin' in that new outfit (well maybe not when I had pool hair and no makeup.....)




Goals for this week:

1.  Cut sweet treats back to 2X a week.  -  I am thinking that cold turkey just wasn't the way on this one.

2.  Go for a 5 minute walk 2X a week

3.  Find healthier snack options for the family

Check in tomorrow to find out why I've divorced my scale  feel so much lighter because of it.

Mid-Week Check-In

Well it's mid week and thought I would share a check-in....

I have not been focused on any of my goals this week.  And I am ok with that.  I still have 3 more days till I set my next ones.

I spent the weekend away with my BFF.  We shopped, drank, ate, shopped, drank & ate.  I thought that I enjoyed every morsel of the food at the time...but looking back.....It wasn't anything amazing.  Just your normal fatty/sodium/calorie laden dishes that you get at most restaurants.  Am I beating myself up over it NO WAY.  I've already moved on about my choices - I had a fantastic time and regret nothing.  Would I do it again - yup, but with a few healthier choices instead.

On the shopping front ~ Holy cow I am so frigging excited about all the great new clothes I found. That fit!!!!!!!  I spent yesterday cleaning out my closet so I can make room for all the new stuff.  I got rid of 3 garbage bags of clothes that were either, trashed, didn't fit or I no longer loved them.  Loving them was the biggest thing. I now know that I don't have to settle for it just cause it fits.  If I want to look fantastic than that's how I will look!  Cause damnit I am WORTH IT!

Happy Hump Day ya'll!

Goal Friday

One week in and what a difference in my mind about this journey.  I set three goals last week:

1. No more Diet Pop - Done! I have gone a whole week without it.  Definitely not easy! But I did it and only suffered minor caffeine withdrawls! Totally worth it :)

2. Drink more water - Done! I am getting about 3L + a day

3. Try Three new Recipes - Kinda Done - Third one will be tonight.  The first two I made were definitely delish! They will be going into normal rotation.


My Goals This Week:

Well I am a little nervous about setting them as I am going on a "girls night" tomorrow.....But here goes:

1.  Cut WAAAAAY back on my sugar intake.

2.  Make a food list of my favorite healthy foods and favorite treat food

3.  Try 1 new recipe & find 1 new "snack food" recipe to try.


There will still be no diet pop drank (though there may be some alcohol drank this weekend)

Every "small" change you make adds up ~ Start now!

Sadness, Tears & A little Joy

I write this post with a heavy heart after today's tragedy in Boston. I am sending all my love and prayers to the people and families affected by it. 

I swam tonight.  I needed to clear my head after all the terrible sights on the news.  I wish it could have been a run to honor them.  In my heart that's what it was.   I released my thoughts into those blue waters and had a few calming moments to myself. 

I am finding it hard to write a happy post in this aftermath.  I'm halfway through my first week of setting new goals.  My first as you know was to cut the diet pop out. Well I have done that :) No pop since Thursday afternoon!! I have upped my water intake .I am feeling great :) Less bloated.  A few headaches & some sleepiness along the way ~ but those are just little bumps in the road.

Tonight was the first night that I got to try one of my Meal Plan recipes.  I made Ginger Pork, Broccoli & Rice.  It was delicious! I will post the recipe under the recipe section tomorrow.

For now I will leave you ~ Hug your loved ones a little closer and remember things can change in a blink of an eye. Lets live a life with less regrets

XOXO

Ready - Set - Here I Go

Today is a beautiful day! Sun is shining and life is good :) Thought I would share with you today about my goal setting.

Old Negative Me would have set the goals and then thought. OK now that I have set those lets wait till tomorrow to start them.  And then that tomorrow becomes the next tomorrow (And I think you are starting to see my pattern here)

New Me decided on the goals last night and started enforcing them immediately! That's a big step ya'll!  So far today I have been happy & on track with the choices that I have made. 

So now your wondering ~ What are these magical goals that I have set?  Well I told you that I would be deleting 1 thing from my diet and replacing it with a healthier habit/choice.  It really didn't take long for me to choose what the 1st thing to go was. It will probably be one of my hardest ones to give up ~ DIET POP!  I have a caffeine headache already (someone might want to tell my husband to pick up extra hours at work - I'm joking.....kinda).  The replacement for diet pop will be WATER!!! I love water! I am setting a goal for 3L of water a day.  It's about 3pm and I have 1/2 of that in. 



I chose three new recipes to try out this week:

Spaghetti Squash Veggie Cassarole
Avacado Sprimp & Rice
Ginger Pork & Broccoli

If they are as yummy as I think they sound I will post them under the Recipes tab.