An Inspiration? Who Me?

Last night I received a facebook message from a friend and in it she said that seeing my posts on fitness had inspired her to start getting active again.  I immediately thought - "Who? Me?"  How could I give someone else inspiration when there are days still that I am not even my own inspiration.


A year ago I never thought that I could be anyone's inspiration.  You see at the beginning of this year I started on this journey of mine that was no longer about losing the weight.  It wasn't about being the skinniest bitch on the block.  What it was about was stopping the hateful things that I was saying to myself - believe me even the biggest bully had NOTHING on what I could say to tear myself down.   By no way am I near the end of this journey but I have come a long way.  I don't hate myself anymore.  Now I see a strong, beautiful woman who has fantastic form at TRX ;) I am proud of what I accomplish, the fact that I don't give up as easily.  That I am getting out there an trying new things - old me would have been too paralyzed by anxiety of "not doing it right" to even walk into a gym class full of strangers, let alone going there and rocking it. 

All of these changes make me feel fantastic inside and out.  I know that the inches are coming off (slowly), I don't keep a close track on them cause I am no longer a slave to the scale (meaning I no longer weigh myself at least 10 times a DAY - that's right, day - not month, not week - a DAY) I don't beat myself up on days that I mess up by not working out or eating properly.  If something sinfully delicious is wanted - I indulge, enjoy every moment and move on.   I have more joy, relaxation, patience and happiness in my life.  I have less tears, anxiety and days that I want to bury my head in the blankets and not want to get out of bed.

I now go to class with no fear and worry.  I am not constantly thinking - can my body even do these classes? Instead I go and I simply do.my.best.  If I need to modify the move, OK - If I need to modify the modifier - OK.  Really that is all we can do.   Just try.  Don't give up and everyday we get stronger, better and more fulfilled.    

Some may not like that my facebook is filled with "brags" about my workouts, or what I am eating or how great I feel now. But if I can just let one person know that it's ok and that they can do it too and not to give up then I'm #sorrynotsorry

I used to worry constantly about how others perceived me, worried that they would look down on me because of the stuff that I share on here then I remember that someone else might be struggling with the same thing and it might help them.  To hear that I am giving someone else a little bit of inspiration I was so honored and humbled.  I thank that person for reaching out to me.  Remember guys - you're all the reason that somebody else is inspired.  

Information Overload

The health and fitness world is such a confusing place.  No wonder it's hard to lose weight.  There are tons of conflicting statements that you hear... Sometimes it makes me want to hide under the blankets and just stay there.


How much you should workout, for how long and how hard...
The food you should eat, low fat, low cal, paleo, gluten free, clean eating and this list could go on....
Which vitamins & supplements to take...
Which workouts are most effective...
A gym membership versus the home gym...
To count calories and to track food...
Do you jump on the scale to weigh yourself or do you let your clothes decide...

The research is even more confusing cause when you read about one you seem convinced that this is what you need and then you open the next article and you see tons of great information backing it up as well.

Everyone is different and what works for me isn't going to work for everyone.

I feel like I have tried all the options and now as I sit here typing this I am assessing what is working for me.


In my life right now I feel like I am spinning in a rut when it comes to working out.  And by that I mean - I have no ambition to workout.  Which I don't get cause I LOVE a good sweat.  I love how badass I feel afterwards.  I don't use my workouts as punishment. I always have loved them. But lately, I just can't seem to make myself want to take the time.  Which is completely silly cause it's only an hour out of my day max.  What I am going to commit to is walking  10 - 15 minutes a day.  Just to get back in the groove.  And maybe someday that walking will turn to running again.  I also love yoga so I am sure that will enter in to my plan some days as well.  

For food choices - I like to keep it simple.   As fresh and natural as possible, and if it is packaged - I like to be able to read the ingredients.  

Vitamins and supplements - well I just feel lost on this one - I don't want to be taking a billion pills a day.  So I think I have settled on the following list

• CoEnzyme Q10 
• A Calcium, Magnesium & Vitamin D
• A Multi Vitamin for Women
• A Vitamin B complex 
• Chia Seeds

I also think that for me - I need to track the foods that I am eating to make sure I am eating enough so that I don't go into binge mode cause I have gotten to hungry.  I don't plan on using that tracking to be restrictive in my eating.  Cause that causes binge eating as well..... Heck, it seems like just breathing causes binge eating.

Annnnd, This brings us to that evil thing called a scale.  There have been points in my life that I have jumped on that thing MULTIPLE times a day.  I have finally gotten myself to a point in which I can go to a few days in between weighing in.  I would like it to be a once a week kinda thing......I like to see the number going down.

The most important thing is to do this journey with love for yourself, your body & your mind.  

I would love to hear what works and what doesn't work for you!

Why I Ditched the Scale & Fell in Love WIth Me

I've been overweight my entire adult life.   I gain and I lose, I lose and I gain. Over and over again. This go round has been a little different.  Thanks to a few blogs that have inspired me to change my internal thoughts and feelings.


In the past 2 months I have worked on changing me from the inside  - not focusing on the outside.  I accept myself at the size that I am.  I love me, I no longer say hateful, shameful things to myself.  Occasionally I slip cause Ain't nobody perfect!

I try to eat healthy. Cause honestly I enjoy healthy, clean foods waaaaay more than I do that single indulgence in fatty greasy foods (Except I do love a good burger)  I make sure I swim at least 5-6 days a week.  

With those changes - I have have started shedding weight (still no movement in the pounds department) but I have lost 10" off my waist, plus an additional 6" in other areas.

I have let what that evil scale has said affect my thoughts and feelings way too much.  Don't get me wrong I still get on and check what the number is.  But it doesn't control me like it used to. I don't tend to get upset - it's just a number.  The scale can't tell me how beautiful I am, it doesn't tell me how strong I am. I am rockin' this body and I will rock it as much now as when I hit my happy weight.  I no longer have a number in my head that I want that scale to read.  I want to Live my life without limitations that's my goal :)  Oh and maybe to fit my hot ass into a pair of lulu lemons ;)

PS that pic of me is from my family photos in the fall.  I will do an updated one soon I promise!

~Goal Friday~

Soooo, last weeks goal.....

1.  Cut WAAAAAY back on my sugar intake.  That didn't happen. Hello bulk barn. I did however take the time to notice just how much extra sugar and sweets I am eating - I have a sweet treat at least once a day. Crazy how quick they can creep up on you and just how mindlessly you can eat.

2.  Make a food list of my favorite healthy foods and favorite treat food This one didn't happen either.....

3.  Try 1 new recipe & find 1 new "snack food" recipe to try.  I got this one kinda...Tried a new recipe for a Shrimp & Rice dish.  It was ok, not one that I would do all the time.


I'm not beating myself up about this for the simple reason - I am still working like crazy at this....I didn't hit my goals but there is always next time.  I am loving the changes that I am seeing.  For the first time in 6 years I felt confident & sexy in my own skin yesterday.  I looked bangin' in that new outfit (well maybe not when I had pool hair and no makeup.....)




Goals for this week:

1.  Cut sweet treats back to 2X a week.  -  I am thinking that cold turkey just wasn't the way on this one.

2.  Go for a 5 minute walk 2X a week

3.  Find healthier snack options for the family

Check in tomorrow to find out why I've divorced my scale  feel so much lighter because of it.

Stopping the Negativity

This post started out as an angry rant at the plus size designers.  Then I hit the delete button ~ Why?

Cause my way of thinking all started to change when I started reading this blog http://fitmamatraining.com - she is amazeballs. What she was saying really started sinking in. There is enough negative in this world that I am so tired of hearing, seeing it and living it. I have decided to start shaking the negative out of my life and house.

No more focusing on what I can't do, no more hating what I see in the mirror. If I can't give it love I will at the very least give it acceptance. The scale no longer holds power over me. In fact, it's going straight to the garbage.

No more negative self talk ~ Embrace my life and live in the joy of it.

Restart....Wait a sec!

Restart......Didn't I just promise myself that? Doesn't that mean that I should have started in the first place?

I feel like I am at rock bottom and swimming sideways.  I can get one thing going - right now I am completely happy with my exercise but the damn demon called food beckons me like you wouldn't believe. Wendy's Canadian Classic is truly evil (but tastes so damn good - twss)  I have had two in the last two days uggg I don't even want to see the calorie count on that.

So here I am vowing once again to "restart"  That means I REALLY need to give it my all this time. No more lying to myself. I am feeling like I am starting to run out of second chances. I want to LIVE - like really live.  No more being afraid to try new things, no more saying no I don't want to do that when its fear of being to big, or looking to big.   I wanna hang with my skinny friends and not worry about how I look to outsider ~ I just want to be able to enjoy myself.

So how do I do it? How do I control the food cravings so they don't control me....

More Than Just a Number

I really really struggle with the number on the scale. It does not like to move for me no matter what.  It frustrates me so much that I end up weighing myself approximately 3-5 times a day.

I know - Completely unhealthy.

I am breaking up with my scale (kinda) I will weigh myself once per day this week and then I am going to cut back to every other day and then hopefully get to a once a week.  Breaking addictions are hard to do.

I've come to realize that even though the scale hasn't moved for me in a couple of weeks, I have lost 5" off my waist! FIVE FREAKING INCHES!!!!!!!!

I feel great. My clothes are fitting better!  Maybe someday soon I will comfortable enough to share my photos with you but for now, I'm still re-building my confidence!