It's Been A While

I've always been a people pleas-er, do whatever I can for you kind of person.   It has caused me incredible pleasure AND pain over the years.  Pleasure when you feel the warmth and love come back from the persons who's life you have touched.  Pain when it's done cause people feel they can walk all over you and you get nothing from them in return.  Over the years I have learned to push some of that away.  Those people and moments aren't gone completely but now I hold them at a distance where they have a harder time breaking through my walls I have built to keep the pain out.  Truth be told I've even kept some of the good in my life at bay in fear that it would hurt me too. 

What does this have to do with my weight loss journey?  Well, you see I have a wonderful husband (who also drives me completely nuts - hey no-one is perfect) and two great kids.  I have been struggling with my weight for years cause I always put everyone and everything else first. 

Today, my husband had a doctors appointment for some blood work results.   His tests came back fine but he was told to lose 20 lbs. 

I jumped with joy when I heard this and my first thoughts were well maybe now you can lose weight yourself since he has to as well.  It was my chance to be a do-gooder, to lend that helping hand and to do something for someone else.  For SOMEONE else.  not for me....Why do I depend so much on everyone else being happy.  How do I learn to put myself first?  I need to make this MY journey - he can have his own.  But I want to be the star of my journey.  I no longer am comparing myself to anyone else's highlight reel.  I am only in competition with myself.  All that matters is that I love me no matter what and that I keep getting back up when I fall down.  

How I am going to do this - I have no clue.  But I am guessing that it will be one step (a baby one) at a time.   My first goal is to lost 5% of my weight. (That around 13 - 14 lbs) and my first step to doing it - cut out the pop.  This is always my hardest on to do, pop seems to creep right back up there and sneak back into my fridge.   

Tomorrow marks a fresh start for me - I am getting a makeover - stay tuned for the before and after.  Doing this is completely out of my comfort zone - I tend to be a little on the stingy side with doing things for myself. 

Work What Your Mamma Gave You

I have been blessed, by both genes and gaining weight to have ginormous boobs.  There I said it.  I have been wanting to have a breast reduction done for YEARS.  at a HH cup they are killing my back & my pocket book (1 bra = $80) I actually got up the nerve to go to my doctor for a referral. He said sure but he is going to tell you to loose weight, like 100 lbs.  I was ok with him telling me that.  I am in the midst of loosing weight and that's about where I want to end up.   What threw me for a loop was when the plastic surgeon wouldn't even see me or keep me on file until I loose another 118 lbs (I've lose 10.4 since June ~ Go Me!)  At first I had a pity party - bawled my eyes out - had those moments of self doubt that I would never be able to loose that weight. But then I remember Hells Yes I can do this, I can do anything I want.  Just gotta put my mind and body to work.  I am the only thing that can stand in my way on this.  No one can tell me I won't be able to do it, they can't tell me that it's going to be really hard (no shit, nothing worth while comes easy)

I have changed so much over the last few months.  I used to let my weight hold me back and not be able to enjoy life.  There are things I have never done - so I am making a bucket list of things that I have never done and things that I used to do that I gave up as the weight came on.   I am hoping to cross off one item a month.   These things used to cause me panic attacks at just the thought of doing them.  Fear of being ridiculed or of not knowing how to do it.  But no more. I am perfect just the way that I am.  I love that my body is able to do things that I never thought that I would be capable of doing.  I just love my body period.  Sure it's got a lot of curves, but it's also has some amazing muscles and a hot ass ;)

So here is my bucket list in no :
Tubing
Play catch
Golf
Play pool
1/2 Marathon
TreeGO (its ziplines, climbing and walking along the top of the tree line)
Learn to drive a 4wheeler

I am sure as the year goes on I will be adding to my list (And crossing them off)  And as for those 118LBS,  I will get there one day in the near future.  Just taking it one pound at a time!

Monday Goal Link Up

Hey everyone! Hope all my American readers had a great 4th of July! 

I thought last weeks goals would be easy to accomplish - but nope, I set three and I only accomplished one...Any guesses on which one?

Goal 1 - 1 new Fruit & 1 new Veggie
Goal 2 - Use the bowflex on non-running day
Goal 3 - Call the doc about a breast reduction!

Goals one and two seemed like a cakewalk - but noooooo I only accomplished #3.    However I exercised a ton, used the bowflex twice, dusted off that crazy bitch Jillian Micheal's Body Revolution (They make me want to puke) and ran lots!  

Splurged on some new running shoes cause mine were well used and I don't think they had another mile in them.

My new babies ;)

They feel AMAZING like I am running on pillows.

So here is to a new week.  I have a goal that is going to be tough for me this week.  You see I feel like I am going to lapse into my old ways of binge eating.  I've seen a few pounds change on the scale and I'm all like I need to eat every morsel of food that I can think of.   I am trying my best not to give in.

Binge eating is one of the hardest things I have ever attempted to tackle.  Quitting smoking was a walk in the park compared to this.

My goals this week are

1.  Don't Binge (Easier said than done - but check out my step by step plan to tackle it)
2. Keep exercising 6X a week.  3 Runs and 3 Other

To not binge

1. MFP is my new bff, we are gonna be tight all week.  Logging every bite.  When I get up in the morning I am going to put in all my food for the day including snacks.
2. Drown my cravings in water
3. If the water trick doesn't work, have a piece of fruit or some veggies. 
4. Blog about it.  See that is what I am doing right now - instead of diving headfirst into a bowl of pasta covered in taco'y goodness I am setting my goals.
5. Get away from the tv, read a book, crochet whatever, just do something different!


I want to see a loss on the scale on Wednesday!

Monday Goal Link Up

It is that time of week to revisit last weeks goals!

Goal one - 1000 Calorie deficit - Nailed it!
Goal two - try a workout from skinny meg - there was no new link up this week - but I got workouts in every day :)


It was a crazy busy week of cleaning cause we had a big BBQ here on Saturday.  I scrubbed and cleaned to my little Cinderella hearts content.   It was great, we ate too much, drank too much and laughed too much.  Two days later I don't ever want to see bbq'd meat again.  I am still loving my BodyMedia link! It keeps me sooooo accountable!  The lbs are coming off! I have lost 6lbs in two weeks.  I don't know the last time the scale moved this well ~ I really struggle with staying on track and I feel like now I got it under control!   When you get in a good groove and feel like you are doing the right stuff - how do you set new goals?  Or should I just try maintaining what I am doing?  Would love to hear everyone's opinion on it!

Goal One - Try 1 new veggie and 1 new fruit
Goal Two - Use the bowflex on my non-running day (yes I am back to running - makes my back hurt less than walking does)
Goal Three - Make an appointment to see my doctor about getting a breast reduction!

~Monday Goal Link Up~

I have had a FANTASTIC week! I received my BodyMedia device last Monday and WOW! Can you say life changing! It keeps me so on track.  Worth EVERY  penny! I have hit my targets on it EVERY single day!  AND to top it off the scale has finally moved - I am down 3lbs this week!!!! I don't know the last time that I did that.

Sooo drumroll please..........

Goal One - Be more accountable and log in MFP - Freaking Nailed it!! every single day and every single bite.  Have stayed within my calorie goal EVERY day!

Goal Two - Do something out of my comfort zone - I went for a walk on the nature trail by myself this past week.


 I am so proud of myself!

But my proudest moment of the week came when my daughter (9) decided she wanted to go running with me outside today - So glad my choices are rubbing off on my kids :) Means I must be doing a little something right.

Now for this weeks goals:

Goal One - Have a 1000 calorie deficit daily.  (burn 1000 more than I consume)

Goal Two - Try a new workout from Skinny Megs Wednesday Link UP

~ If you fall down - get up and brush yourself off cause every breath is a second chance ~

~WW Skinny Meg Link-UP~

Sorry Skinny Meg your button should be here but I couldn't get the link to work.....

I Know, I know I promised this last week and didn't get it done.  I thought I would share my killer leg workout that I do at home. This workout makes me want to die and call my mommy to help me.  By the end I crumble to the floor to stretch it out.

Warm Up:

15 minutes on the treadmill, bike or just dance around like a lunatic (I have done the latter).  If I do the bike or treadmill then I will do 3 minutes at a warm up pace, then do 30sec to 1 min intervals of as fast as these little legs of mine will go and then equal amount of going really slow, reapeat for 10 minutes and then take 2 minutes to cool it back down a little so you don't have a heart attack when you step off the machine.

Leg Workout - I use Heavy weights 15lb dumbells.  Do 8-12 reps and do the entire workout 3X

Weighted Squats
Weighted Walking Lunges (20 rep) These are also named "Hell" and will make you want to curse
Weighted Plie Squats
Weighted Step ups
Standing Latereral Leg raises
Standing Calf Raises
Wall Sits - 60 Seconds - You will want to Die

Cool down - For Pete's sake - make sure you stretch that shit out!

Not for the faint of heart!

Monday Goal Link UP

Ok ya'll I am seriously bad at completing my goals! Ugg it is so frustrating. Mondays come and I picture a fantastic goal in my head for the week, write it down and put it out there. Then by Tuesday I always seem to fall off the wagon.   Especially the food part of the goals.  Exercise I am pretty bang on right now.  Like, really WTF?  It makes me question whether I am really committed to changing my life.   I truly am.  I have made a ton of changes over the last few months.  I love myself NOW. Not 100+ lbs from now.  That feels great.  I have stopped crying over every lbs not lost.  I don't stress about it, I am just focusing of actually living and trying new things and enjoying every moment with my family.

With that being said here are my goals for this week:

Goal 1 - Be more accountable - My Body Media has arrived!  I will be logging my food through MFP and it syncs with Body Media - So far I am loving it! A real eye opener.  I promise I will do a post on it later in the week.

Goal 2 - Do something outside of my comfort zone.  I don't know what it will be - maybe play pool or golf or just something new that I don't normally do.