It's Just Clothing - Cleaning out My Closet

I hear my husband and my best friend saying this to me over and over.....It's just a piece of clothing Alicia

Why do I hold on to this stuff. Is it really just clothing? Yes, it's just fabric, buttons and stitches.  But to me it has been so much more.  Fabric woven of memories of better times, buttons that want me to stay in the past & every stitch seems to be laced with the could've should've & would've.

It has take me a long time to realize that  I don't need to cling to the past. It isn't where I want to live anymore.  I want to live my life wide awake, eye wide open and enjoying every-freaking-moment! 


I'm trying to live my life with new rules when it comes to my clothing - If It's Not a Hell Yes ~ It's A Hell No.  I want my clothes to reflect how I see myself and how I want the world to see me.  And that means no more ill fitting, ripped, torn & stained clothing.

Out with the old and in with the new.  I have been re-building my wardrobe from the errrr foundations up.  Sexy lingerie - was my first big purchase - bottom line -  I wanted to feel sexy again for me....not for anyone else. This journey is about ME.

You might think it would be easy to just chuck out this old stuff, but I've had to work through a ton of limiting beliefs about getting rid of these clothes.  I thought I would share some of them with you cause if you are going through the same thing, I don't want you to feel alone. There were two types of clothing that I needed to clean out of my closet in order to move on with my life - Skinny Clothes & Clothes That Made Me Feel Like Shit when I wore them.   Here are my limiting beliefs and what I told myself to overcome them. 

Skinny Clothes:

• What if I get skinny again? Do you really want to be wearing fashions from 10 years ago?  Your personal style has evolved since then.  Plus who doesn't love to shop! 
• If I get rid of them, isn't that like giving up the dream of being skinny & healthy?  Just cause I throw away clothes doesn't mean that I need to stop moving or fueling my body in a way that I deserve - it's JUST clothing.  They hold no power

Clothes That Made Me Feel Like Shit:

• I don't fit right in clothes - sure some styles don't suit me but that is the same with EVERYONE
• It doesn't matter what I look like - Just because I have been married FOREVER and because I have been a stay at home mom for a long time doesn't mean that I shouldn't take the time to look good and make myself feel good.
• It fits so I better keep it - NEVER again will I wear something that doesn't stop and make me say "Damn, I loooook Goood"
• I will have no clothes left - This is one that I have really struggled with in a lot of areas in my life.  Money, food (binging) and even hanging in my closet.  BUT, Really???? Really????? Please see photos below.  1st photo shows about....oh lets say.....150ish items of clothing + the stuff that I had already sold this winter.  2nd photo well, as you can see my closet is still full....

That my lovelies, is the pile of clothing that came out of my closet.  

(no wonder I worried that I would be left with nothing)

what you can't see in this photo are two piles in the back row that are hidden by the pile of cardigans in the from (yes, I will be attending Cardigans Anonymous in the near future)

But as you can see there are still a ton of options in my closet 

  
 This was definitely not an easy task.  I have been working on it for the last month to work past all these fears.  Thank god I have a wonderful support system that talk me down off the ledge...Even if they can barely understand me through the tears and hysterics when I place my favorite pair of skinny capris in the discard pile.

When I finished and took these photos ~ I felt so amazingly free.  Unbelievable.  Then I thought to myself - why didn't I do this sooner..... 

What's holding you back?

Adventures in Mommyhood

Everyone remember that 80's movie Adventures in babysitting? I love that movie.  When you think life is going to be dull - it turns out to be anything but.  Well I guess that happens when you have a husband & kids.....And two dogs & a cat.  At least I convinced my husband that the baby raccoon did not make a suitable pet.  It feels like everyday I have some crazy story about one of the kids or the pets.....Usually one child in particular and one dog in particular.  Perhaps I should have called this blog the days of Jacob & Judd.  Thankfully both are very cute and cuddly and make up for the fact that they ate my makeup or hid priceless jewelry in my furniture or ate my favorite pair of shoes or decide to get up for the day at 4:30am.   (Hope you can figure out which ones were by child and which ones were by canine) But I digress what I want to talk about is going back to work.  

Transitioning from being a stay at home mom to back to working part time has been an adventure in balance.  Do I come home and clean and not play with my kids or do I play with my kids and ignore the housework?  I am thankful that I only work part time and use my days off for catching up.   My house is messier more than it is not.  Little ones are only so small for such a short time.  I would much rather and snuggle and read a book to them than to do whatever chore that is lacking.  I will admit that even when I was a stay at home mom I tended to let cleaning go by the side so that I could spend more time with the kids

A clean "perfect" house used to cause me so much anxiety and panic attacks if someone were to come over.  I would go into a frenzy of cleaning when they told me they were coming and well, let me tell you, if they showed up unannounced my chest would stay tight for the entire visit.  I can hear myself saying these words over and over - "so sorry for the mess".   I was embarrassed that I wasn't perfect.  I thought that it had to be a certain way. 

It wasn't until recently that I have been able to relax over this to tell the perfectionist in me that it is OK to not be supermom, to not have it all done.  That it's normal to ask for help.  I use a daily goal list to help me check off what  I want to get done.  Let me tell you there is something very empowering to see that check mark.  If for some reason I don't finish checking off that list - well that's OK too!

If you come to visit at any given time - be prepared to look past the laundry pile that isn't folded and the dishes that aren't done.   I can promise you a love and friendship filled visit but I won't promise you a spotless house.

  Yeah - These Guys - They make my world go round!

My Monday

Gonna take a look at what my days normally look like. Now today is a stay at home cleaning day.   Normally cleaning would only take a person a little while - however every 10-15 minutes I have to sit so that I don't trash my back.  

A day in my life:

6-6:55 - Get K ready for school - Check
6:55-7:45 - J & my breakfast - Check
7:45-9 - Unload & reload dishes, start today's laundry (Towels)
9-10 - Wash glasses and big pots by hand & more laundry
10-11 - Clean counters and tables and any other flat surface off - So it's 10:16 and I am just starting on the last chore - it's gonna be a long day!
11-12 - Quick tidy in bathroom & living room & more laundry (beginning to see a trend here)
12-1 - Sweep & start lunch prep (Finally caught back up to my time frame!)
1-2 - Sort laundry and put in that persons room - Yeah, this one ain't getting done today. My back is done!
2-3 - Spend one on one time with J & one more load of laundry (tempted to join nudist colony)
3-4 - Homework
4-5 - Supper Prep
5-6:15 - Supper
6:30-7:30 - Youth Group
7:45 - Bedtime for K & J
8-8:45 workout & shower
Then finally I get time to relax with the hubz

Just cause I am a stay at home momma ~ That doesn't mean I don't have a full day!