Have you ever had one of those conversations where it started about something completely different and then all your stress turns to tears and you break down about a completely different subject? Oh, it's just me? That is how most mom's feel. You feel alone in the struggle - that there is no way anyone else could be going through the same thing. Why does no one ever tell you how much you will beat yourself about EVERYTHING when you become a mom. When you leave the hospital these should pass you a guide that tells you how many lashings you should give yourself over what YOU think are your infractions.
When I went to the weigh in today, even before I stepped on the scale I was berating myself again for what I was sure would be another zero loss week or even a gain. My consultant asked me how my week was going, on the tip of my tongue was my standard answer - "fine". Cause let's face it - I tend to keep my insecurities and failures hidden so that I don't feel like I am being judged. Then I started talking about taking my puppy to training classes and explaining how that was my workout for the day - trust me, with Charlotte it is a full body workout lol. I felt the tears well up in my eyes unexpectedly and my words started coming faster than I could think. I told her I felt like a failure on all levels, as a wife, mom, housekeeper & a friend. I was able to give example after example of why I was failing.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Deep down I know that my house is not going to be clean all the time - I live with a husband, two children and a dog & cat who both think they are humans. I am not Martha Stewart - sometimes a beautiful meal will be served and sometimes it will be a serve yourself kinda deal. What I do know is that when my little boy gets off the bus he runs straight into my arms - I take an inhale and smell all that is good, happy and know that I am loved by him. I know that my daughter - god help me through the teen years - is still my little girl. My husband - lets talk about my husband for a moment. He is my best friend, love of my life and I couldn't imagine a world that I am in without him there by my side. No it isn't all roses all of the time - but we make it work.
Today I am calling a truce with myself. I will be kind and treat myself with love. I will take the time to do what I need to be healthy, happy and whole. I am responsible for me. I invite you to do the same. Tell me what is the one thing you do for yourself that makes you a better mother, wife, friend - hell just a better woman.
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