It's Been A While

I've always been a people pleas-er, do whatever I can for you kind of person.   It has caused me incredible pleasure AND pain over the years.  Pleasure when you feel the warmth and love come back from the persons who's life you have touched.  Pain when it's done cause people feel they can walk all over you and you get nothing from them in return.  Over the years I have learned to push some of that away.  Those people and moments aren't gone completely but now I hold them at a distance where they have a harder time breaking through my walls I have built to keep the pain out.  Truth be told I've even kept some of the good in my life at bay in fear that it would hurt me too. 

What does this have to do with my weight loss journey?  Well, you see I have a wonderful husband (who also drives me completely nuts - hey no-one is perfect) and two great kids.  I have been struggling with my weight for years cause I always put everyone and everything else first. 

Today, my husband had a doctors appointment for some blood work results.   His tests came back fine but he was told to lose 20 lbs. 

I jumped with joy when I heard this and my first thoughts were well maybe now you can lose weight yourself since he has to as well.  It was my chance to be a do-gooder, to lend that helping hand and to do something for someone else.  For SOMEONE else.  not for me....Why do I depend so much on everyone else being happy.  How do I learn to put myself first?  I need to make this MY journey - he can have his own.  But I want to be the star of my journey.  I no longer am comparing myself to anyone else's highlight reel.  I am only in competition with myself.  All that matters is that I love me no matter what and that I keep getting back up when I fall down.  

How I am going to do this - I have no clue.  But I am guessing that it will be one step (a baby one) at a time.   My first goal is to lost 5% of my weight. (That around 13 - 14 lbs) and my first step to doing it - cut out the pop.  This is always my hardest on to do, pop seems to creep right back up there and sneak back into my fridge.   

Tomorrow marks a fresh start for me - I am getting a makeover - stay tuned for the before and after.  Doing this is completely out of my comfort zone - I tend to be a little on the stingy side with doing things for myself. 

Work What Your Mamma Gave You

I have been blessed, by both genes and gaining weight to have ginormous boobs.  There I said it.  I have been wanting to have a breast reduction done for YEARS.  at a HH cup they are killing my back & my pocket book (1 bra = $80) I actually got up the nerve to go to my doctor for a referral. He said sure but he is going to tell you to loose weight, like 100 lbs.  I was ok with him telling me that.  I am in the midst of loosing weight and that's about where I want to end up.   What threw me for a loop was when the plastic surgeon wouldn't even see me or keep me on file until I loose another 118 lbs (I've lose 10.4 since June ~ Go Me!)  At first I had a pity party - bawled my eyes out - had those moments of self doubt that I would never be able to loose that weight. But then I remember Hells Yes I can do this, I can do anything I want.  Just gotta put my mind and body to work.  I am the only thing that can stand in my way on this.  No one can tell me I won't be able to do it, they can't tell me that it's going to be really hard (no shit, nothing worth while comes easy)

I have changed so much over the last few months.  I used to let my weight hold me back and not be able to enjoy life.  There are things I have never done - so I am making a bucket list of things that I have never done and things that I used to do that I gave up as the weight came on.   I am hoping to cross off one item a month.   These things used to cause me panic attacks at just the thought of doing them.  Fear of being ridiculed or of not knowing how to do it.  But no more. I am perfect just the way that I am.  I love that my body is able to do things that I never thought that I would be capable of doing.  I just love my body period.  Sure it's got a lot of curves, but it's also has some amazing muscles and a hot ass ;)

So here is my bucket list in no :
Tubing
Play catch
Golf
Play pool
1/2 Marathon
TreeGO (its ziplines, climbing and walking along the top of the tree line)
Learn to drive a 4wheeler

I am sure as the year goes on I will be adding to my list (And crossing them off)  And as for those 118LBS,  I will get there one day in the near future.  Just taking it one pound at a time!

Monday Goal Link Up

Hey everyone! Hope all my American readers had a great 4th of July! 

I thought last weeks goals would be easy to accomplish - but nope, I set three and I only accomplished one...Any guesses on which one?

Goal 1 - 1 new Fruit & 1 new Veggie
Goal 2 - Use the bowflex on non-running day
Goal 3 - Call the doc about a breast reduction!

Goals one and two seemed like a cakewalk - but noooooo I only accomplished #3.    However I exercised a ton, used the bowflex twice, dusted off that crazy bitch Jillian Micheal's Body Revolution (They make me want to puke) and ran lots!  

Splurged on some new running shoes cause mine were well used and I don't think they had another mile in them.

My new babies ;)

They feel AMAZING like I am running on pillows.

So here is to a new week.  I have a goal that is going to be tough for me this week.  You see I feel like I am going to lapse into my old ways of binge eating.  I've seen a few pounds change on the scale and I'm all like I need to eat every morsel of food that I can think of.   I am trying my best not to give in.

Binge eating is one of the hardest things I have ever attempted to tackle.  Quitting smoking was a walk in the park compared to this.

My goals this week are

1.  Don't Binge (Easier said than done - but check out my step by step plan to tackle it)
2. Keep exercising 6X a week.  3 Runs and 3 Other

To not binge

1. MFP is my new bff, we are gonna be tight all week.  Logging every bite.  When I get up in the morning I am going to put in all my food for the day including snacks.
2. Drown my cravings in water
3. If the water trick doesn't work, have a piece of fruit or some veggies. 
4. Blog about it.  See that is what I am doing right now - instead of diving headfirst into a bowl of pasta covered in taco'y goodness I am setting my goals.
5. Get away from the tv, read a book, crochet whatever, just do something different!


I want to see a loss on the scale on Wednesday!

Monday Goal Link Up

It is that time of week to revisit last weeks goals!

Goal one - 1000 Calorie deficit - Nailed it!
Goal two - try a workout from skinny meg - there was no new link up this week - but I got workouts in every day :)


It was a crazy busy week of cleaning cause we had a big BBQ here on Saturday.  I scrubbed and cleaned to my little Cinderella hearts content.   It was great, we ate too much, drank too much and laughed too much.  Two days later I don't ever want to see bbq'd meat again.  I am still loving my BodyMedia link! It keeps me sooooo accountable!  The lbs are coming off! I have lost 6lbs in two weeks.  I don't know the last time the scale moved this well ~ I really struggle with staying on track and I feel like now I got it under control!   When you get in a good groove and feel like you are doing the right stuff - how do you set new goals?  Or should I just try maintaining what I am doing?  Would love to hear everyone's opinion on it!

Goal One - Try 1 new veggie and 1 new fruit
Goal Two - Use the bowflex on my non-running day (yes I am back to running - makes my back hurt less than walking does)
Goal Three - Make an appointment to see my doctor about getting a breast reduction!

~Monday Goal Link Up~

I have had a FANTASTIC week! I received my BodyMedia device last Monday and WOW! Can you say life changing! It keeps me so on track.  Worth EVERY  penny! I have hit my targets on it EVERY single day!  AND to top it off the scale has finally moved - I am down 3lbs this week!!!! I don't know the last time that I did that.

Sooo drumroll please..........

Goal One - Be more accountable and log in MFP - Freaking Nailed it!! every single day and every single bite.  Have stayed within my calorie goal EVERY day!

Goal Two - Do something out of my comfort zone - I went for a walk on the nature trail by myself this past week.


 I am so proud of myself!

But my proudest moment of the week came when my daughter (9) decided she wanted to go running with me outside today - So glad my choices are rubbing off on my kids :) Means I must be doing a little something right.

Now for this weeks goals:

Goal One - Have a 1000 calorie deficit daily.  (burn 1000 more than I consume)

Goal Two - Try a new workout from Skinny Megs Wednesday Link UP

~ If you fall down - get up and brush yourself off cause every breath is a second chance ~

~WW Skinny Meg Link-UP~

Sorry Skinny Meg your button should be here but I couldn't get the link to work.....

I Know, I know I promised this last week and didn't get it done.  I thought I would share my killer leg workout that I do at home. This workout makes me want to die and call my mommy to help me.  By the end I crumble to the floor to stretch it out.

Warm Up:

15 minutes on the treadmill, bike or just dance around like a lunatic (I have done the latter).  If I do the bike or treadmill then I will do 3 minutes at a warm up pace, then do 30sec to 1 min intervals of as fast as these little legs of mine will go and then equal amount of going really slow, reapeat for 10 minutes and then take 2 minutes to cool it back down a little so you don't have a heart attack when you step off the machine.

Leg Workout - I use Heavy weights 15lb dumbells.  Do 8-12 reps and do the entire workout 3X

Weighted Squats
Weighted Walking Lunges (20 rep) These are also named "Hell" and will make you want to curse
Weighted Plie Squats
Weighted Step ups
Standing Latereral Leg raises
Standing Calf Raises
Wall Sits - 60 Seconds - You will want to Die

Cool down - For Pete's sake - make sure you stretch that shit out!

Not for the faint of heart!

Monday Goal Link UP

Ok ya'll I am seriously bad at completing my goals! Ugg it is so frustrating. Mondays come and I picture a fantastic goal in my head for the week, write it down and put it out there. Then by Tuesday I always seem to fall off the wagon.   Especially the food part of the goals.  Exercise I am pretty bang on right now.  Like, really WTF?  It makes me question whether I am really committed to changing my life.   I truly am.  I have made a ton of changes over the last few months.  I love myself NOW. Not 100+ lbs from now.  That feels great.  I have stopped crying over every lbs not lost.  I don't stress about it, I am just focusing of actually living and trying new things and enjoying every moment with my family.

With that being said here are my goals for this week:

Goal 1 - Be more accountable - My Body Media has arrived!  I will be logging my food through MFP and it syncs with Body Media - So far I am loving it! A real eye opener.  I promise I will do a post on it later in the week.

Goal 2 - Do something outside of my comfort zone.  I don't know what it will be - maybe play pool or golf or just something new that I don't normally do.

Monday Goal Link up

It's that time of the week to once again link up with Jess over at www.operationskinnyjeans.com



Last weeks goals were:

No Fast Food - I have had a super duper bad eating week,  Nowhere's even close to kicking this goals ass

Finish week 1 of 5K training - Guess I jumped the gun on running -shocking :( I just missed it sooo bad.  but at least I know once it is fully healed that at least I still know HOW to run.  It's like riding a err bike.

So here is to fresh beginnings!

Food Goal - Log all food into MyFitnessPal

Exercise Goal - I made a new workout schedule (I will share the routine on Wednesday for my next link up) and I would like to be able to get through the whole weeks plan with at least one full set a day. 

Now my week will also be spent err patiently waiting for my BodyMedia Fit Link to arrive. I am so excited.  I can't wait to see everything that it tracks and see how far off my estimates were and maybe figure out why the pounds aren't budging as much as I would like to see.  But that is ok too cause my inch loss has been phenomenal! 

PS Follow my blog - I will follow you back! 

Monday Goals Link Up

Hey Everyone.

I have had a fantastic week! I managed to hit both my goals.  Just to recap they were:

Drink more water - Really water is a cheat goal for me cause I drink a ton of it all the time.  However, I wanted to make the conscious effort to do it.

A different workout every day plus swim 3 time - 99%  done.  Got a different workout in everyday but I only got to the pool twice.

The best part of my week......Was being able to start RUNNING AGAIN!!!! WOO HOO! I love to run, it is my therapy, my alone time - It makes me feel like a freaking Rockstar!   Due to one injury after another last year, I have not been able to run in almost 11 months and have done Physio since December.  I finally am feeling like I can start again - Thank goodness! Starting slow and listening to my body more this time.  I don't ever want to end up in a mess like that again. Achilles tendonitis + Plantar Fascitis + Shin Splints is no fun. 

Check Out my goals for this week

Goal 1: No Fast Food - if I get stuck eating at a fast food restaurant my choice will be a Salad

Goal 2: Finish week 1 of my running program & Work up to be able to do a plank for 1.5 minutes

Have a happy week!

#proud

It's a Wrap

Hey everyone.

Monday night I did an itWorks wrap.  This is my third time doing one.  I will tell you right off - I do not sell these, I am not paid to advertise.  This is just my opinion.

My first two times doing one of their wraps I lost 7-9" over all (you take measurements from three areas that the wrap sits on.)

This time, though I didn't lose quite as much. I lost between 3-4".  Will I do one again - sure you bet! I love them.   I love the smell and the tingle.  My skin feels so soft after doing one.  I find that my results last for any wheres from 3 months + - As long as I put the work into maintaining by eating properly and exercising.


I cannot believe I am going to share these photos.  But I can see the difference. I also feel less bloated.

Please know that I do not recommend these to lose ALL your weight. But they definitely don't hurt and I find they give me a little pick me up mentally. Weight loss and being healthy takes a lot of work.  It doesn't just happen. No magic diet, no quick fix pill.  There is no quick easy way to do it.  These make take off the inches but it take hard work to keep them off!

Here are my Before and after pics!

~Weekly Goals Link-Up~

It's that time of the week to set new goals and link up with Jess over at Operation Skinny Jeans.  

Considering how horribly I have fallen behind in actually accomplishing the goals that I set. I figured that its time to erase my slate and forgive and forget.  So I am not even going to review the goals from last week.

I think part of why I have not been as diligent lately is because I am getting sick and tired of swimming.  I love to swim, I just hate that it's been my only outlet.  I like to sweat.  I need to sweat.   My foot is feeling better and I think it's time that I start broadening my horizons and shrinking my ass.

I am going to revamp from the beginning with 1 diet goal and 1 workout goal each week.  

So back to basics on my goals:

1.  WATER WATER WATER - 4L a day is what I am aiming for.

2.  Do a different exercise routine each workout day + swim 3 times this week. 

I am also doing an it-Works wrap tonight - I will share my results and photos with you tomorrow.  Scary I know - a picture of my stomach being share all over the internet.....what am I thinking! 

A little of this, a little of that....

I've been getting a little tired of swimming laps like a fish, so I decided to change it up a little yesterday. I did my laps then did yoga in the pool, yup IN THE POOL - well the standing poses anyways.  Then I got out and jumped in the sauna and completed the rest of my yoga routine - Cause that's how I roll lol.  I felt so amazing and strong.
All this is coming from changing how I feel about myself.  I feel strong, beautiful & in control of my life.  I love it!!!

How have I gotten to this point?

I stumbled across www.fitmamatraining.com - Love that woman!!!!!  Then I feel in love with Mandy Ingber's Yogalosophy.  And it all led to self-acceptance, self-love and a new love for fitness :)

I am on day 3 on Mandy Ingber's Yogalosophy  - 28 days to the ultimate mind-body makeover.  Such an amazing program.

Here is my day 1-3 review....

Day 1 - State my Intention - To create a happier, healthier me, mind, body & soul
Day 2 - Set short terms goals

1. Lose 5 lbs
2. Swim 85 Laps
3. Finish the full yoga routine with no breaks

Day 3 - Come to your Senses
           This was a relaxing bubble bath while burning some yummy smelling candles.

~Weekly Goals~

My week has been a long one. I have struggled with my blood glucose levels all week. So by afternoons I have felt pretty wretched. However, I did not miss a meal or scrimp on exercise! 

Here's my week in review:

1.  Eat 2 servings of fruit a day - Didn't quite get this one - I averaged about 1 fruit serving per day

2.  Only indulge in sweet treats 2X a week - Did it!!!!!!

3. Stick to the May Ab challenge this week. - Missed two days.  Back at it today!!!


My Goals for this week:

1.  Have 1 serving of vegetable with each meal. 

2. No white bread or buns

3. Keep a closer eye on blood sugars and remember to take Metformin 2X a day ( I am horrible for this one as I start to feel better I get slack on taking it)


Happy Mothers Day to all the mom's, mom's to be & mom's of fur-babies!  Keep it POSITIVE & Love yourself!

Dear Bully

Dear Bully

In public you act like your the cool kid on the playground. That everyone is your friend and wants to be just like you. You think that you know all the answers and you have that "my way or the highway" mentality.

Your "friends" cower in fear of the day that you will turn on them.  Every comment out of your perfectly painted lips is a negative one.

You don't have a flaw on your perfectly proportioned body. No scars of any kind. No stretch marks on your finely toned body.  But yet you inflict them daily on those around you.  Not physical scars but emotional ones that cut deeper with every word you say.

You snicker lazy behind that fat girls back as she struggles to get through the day.  Not realizing how far she has come, you only seeing how far she has to go.

The kid who has scars is taunted.  Not realizing that each of those scars make her only more beautiful

The underweight girl - you laughingly say she is anorexic. She got there because media is so warped that she strives to want people just like you to like her. 

Some will get stronger with time after they have been hurt by you. Some never will and will shrink within themselves until they are a shell of who they once were.  No longer living life, afraid to put themselves out there for fear of rejection. 

Why do you do it? What is so wrong in your life that you feel the need to destroy everyone else?  Every word that you say to someone else is really just a reflection of what your own internal thoughts are. What it really boils down to - You hate yourself.

You need to give yourself a break.  Look a little closer at you - you're not perfect.  Your perfectly painted lips are a little too big, you have stretch marks from beautiful babies that you carried within yourself.  You call her lazy because you feel you are.  You act like you want every to be under your spell ~ But what you really dream of, that brings the tears at night is that you just wish someone would like you for well, you. 

We need to stop beating ourselves and others up. We need to be more accepting and not tell people how they "should look, should act and what they should say".  Your fine just the way you are.  Make choices that are good for you. Eat healthy and exercise - not out of punishment but because you enjoy it.  You enjoy the way you feel when you've killed that workout.  Don't let others opinions affect you ~ so what if they hate your body, your lifestyle, your blog and your attitude.  It's how you feel about yourself that counts.  I wanted to write this after a lot of my soul searching these past couple of months but I didn't know where to start.  Until I looked at this horrendous website that tears down other peoples blogs.  It made me want to vomit realizing just how mean people really are and what it boils down to is they don't like themselves.  I, for one and done with the negativity.  For myself, for others. All its doing is holding me back from my dreams.....Goodbye bully.

Ummmm....Goal Friday....

Ok so it's not Friday but I still need to set my goals for this week.  The last two weeks I haven't done so great with goal setting. But today is a new day!


Here is last weeks recap:


1.  Cut sweet treats back to 2X a week.  -  I Think that I did a LITTLE bit better on this one...Definitely not 2X but it was a bit better than before.

2.  Go for a 5 minute walk 2X a week - Nope, still a little gun shy on this one.  Scared to take those first steps to see if my ankle is healed...Put on my sneakers once and just couldn't go through with it.  I will revisit this one another time.

3.  Find healthier snack options for the family - Done - Made healthy granola bars today.  I also want to try making Strawberry chips in the oven - my little guy loves those. 



My goals this week are:


1.  Eat 2 servings of fruit a day

2.  Only indulge in sweet treats 2X a week

3. Stick to the May Ab challenge this week. 

Why I Ditched the Scale & Fell in Love WIth Me

I've been overweight my entire adult life.   I gain and I lose, I lose and I gain. Over and over again. This go round has been a little different.  Thanks to a few blogs that have inspired me to change my internal thoughts and feelings.


In the past 2 months I have worked on changing me from the inside  - not focusing on the outside.  I accept myself at the size that I am.  I love me, I no longer say hateful, shameful things to myself.  Occasionally I slip cause Ain't nobody perfect!

I try to eat healthy. Cause honestly I enjoy healthy, clean foods waaaaay more than I do that single indulgence in fatty greasy foods (Except I do love a good burger)  I make sure I swim at least 5-6 days a week.  

With those changes - I have have started shedding weight (still no movement in the pounds department) but I have lost 10" off my waist, plus an additional 6" in other areas.

I have let what that evil scale has said affect my thoughts and feelings way too much.  Don't get me wrong I still get on and check what the number is.  But it doesn't control me like it used to. I don't tend to get upset - it's just a number.  The scale can't tell me how beautiful I am, it doesn't tell me how strong I am. I am rockin' this body and I will rock it as much now as when I hit my happy weight.  I no longer have a number in my head that I want that scale to read.  I want to Live my life without limitations that's my goal :)  Oh and maybe to fit my hot ass into a pair of lulu lemons ;)

PS that pic of me is from my family photos in the fall.  I will do an updated one soon I promise!

~Goal Friday~

Soooo, last weeks goal.....

1.  Cut WAAAAAY back on my sugar intake.  That didn't happen. Hello bulk barn. I did however take the time to notice just how much extra sugar and sweets I am eating - I have a sweet treat at least once a day. Crazy how quick they can creep up on you and just how mindlessly you can eat.

2.  Make a food list of my favorite healthy foods and favorite treat food This one didn't happen either.....

3.  Try 1 new recipe & find 1 new "snack food" recipe to try.  I got this one kinda...Tried a new recipe for a Shrimp & Rice dish.  It was ok, not one that I would do all the time.


I'm not beating myself up about this for the simple reason - I am still working like crazy at this....I didn't hit my goals but there is always next time.  I am loving the changes that I am seeing.  For the first time in 6 years I felt confident & sexy in my own skin yesterday.  I looked bangin' in that new outfit (well maybe not when I had pool hair and no makeup.....)




Goals for this week:

1.  Cut sweet treats back to 2X a week.  -  I am thinking that cold turkey just wasn't the way on this one.

2.  Go for a 5 minute walk 2X a week

3.  Find healthier snack options for the family

Check in tomorrow to find out why I've divorced my scale  feel so much lighter because of it.

Mid-Week Check-In

Well it's mid week and thought I would share a check-in....

I have not been focused on any of my goals this week.  And I am ok with that.  I still have 3 more days till I set my next ones.

I spent the weekend away with my BFF.  We shopped, drank, ate, shopped, drank & ate.  I thought that I enjoyed every morsel of the food at the time...but looking back.....It wasn't anything amazing.  Just your normal fatty/sodium/calorie laden dishes that you get at most restaurants.  Am I beating myself up over it NO WAY.  I've already moved on about my choices - I had a fantastic time and regret nothing.  Would I do it again - yup, but with a few healthier choices instead.

On the shopping front ~ Holy cow I am so frigging excited about all the great new clothes I found. That fit!!!!!!!  I spent yesterday cleaning out my closet so I can make room for all the new stuff.  I got rid of 3 garbage bags of clothes that were either, trashed, didn't fit or I no longer loved them.  Loving them was the biggest thing. I now know that I don't have to settle for it just cause it fits.  If I want to look fantastic than that's how I will look!  Cause damnit I am WORTH IT!

Happy Hump Day ya'll!

Goal Friday

One week in and what a difference in my mind about this journey.  I set three goals last week:

1. No more Diet Pop - Done! I have gone a whole week without it.  Definitely not easy! But I did it and only suffered minor caffeine withdrawls! Totally worth it :)

2. Drink more water - Done! I am getting about 3L + a day

3. Try Three new Recipes - Kinda Done - Third one will be tonight.  The first two I made were definitely delish! They will be going into normal rotation.


My Goals This Week:

Well I am a little nervous about setting them as I am going on a "girls night" tomorrow.....But here goes:

1.  Cut WAAAAAY back on my sugar intake.

2.  Make a food list of my favorite healthy foods and favorite treat food

3.  Try 1 new recipe & find 1 new "snack food" recipe to try.


There will still be no diet pop drank (though there may be some alcohol drank this weekend)

Every "small" change you make adds up ~ Start now!

Sadness, Tears & A little Joy

I write this post with a heavy heart after today's tragedy in Boston. I am sending all my love and prayers to the people and families affected by it. 

I swam tonight.  I needed to clear my head after all the terrible sights on the news.  I wish it could have been a run to honor them.  In my heart that's what it was.   I released my thoughts into those blue waters and had a few calming moments to myself. 

I am finding it hard to write a happy post in this aftermath.  I'm halfway through my first week of setting new goals.  My first as you know was to cut the diet pop out. Well I have done that :) No pop since Thursday afternoon!! I have upped my water intake .I am feeling great :) Less bloated.  A few headaches & some sleepiness along the way ~ but those are just little bumps in the road.

Tonight was the first night that I got to try one of my Meal Plan recipes.  I made Ginger Pork, Broccoli & Rice.  It was delicious! I will post the recipe under the recipe section tomorrow.

For now I will leave you ~ Hug your loved ones a little closer and remember things can change in a blink of an eye. Lets live a life with less regrets

XOXO

Ready - Set - Here I Go

Today is a beautiful day! Sun is shining and life is good :) Thought I would share with you today about my goal setting.

Old Negative Me would have set the goals and then thought. OK now that I have set those lets wait till tomorrow to start them.  And then that tomorrow becomes the next tomorrow (And I think you are starting to see my pattern here)

New Me decided on the goals last night and started enforcing them immediately! That's a big step ya'll!  So far today I have been happy & on track with the choices that I have made. 

So now your wondering ~ What are these magical goals that I have set?  Well I told you that I would be deleting 1 thing from my diet and replacing it with a healthier habit/choice.  It really didn't take long for me to choose what the 1st thing to go was. It will probably be one of my hardest ones to give up ~ DIET POP!  I have a caffeine headache already (someone might want to tell my husband to pick up extra hours at work - I'm joking.....kinda).  The replacement for diet pop will be WATER!!! I love water! I am setting a goal for 3L of water a day.  It's about 3pm and I have 1/2 of that in. 



I chose three new recipes to try out this week:

Spaghetti Squash Veggie Cassarole
Avacado Sprimp & Rice
Ginger Pork & Broccoli

If they are as yummy as I think they sound I will post them under the Recipes tab. 

Cleaning up My Act

This morning I got dressed and my inner thoughts were not ones of negativity. My inner voice was saying wow you look bangin' today ( my inner voice was a little ghetto this morning) 

Do I look any different today than from yesterday? Nope still the same me.  But I feel good about myself.  I am OK with where I am. That doesn't mean that I am giving up on losing weight.  What it does mean is that I am at peace with myself and am letting go of control that the fat, negativity & the scales. They don't get to tell me who I am anymore.  I feel pretty, I feel in control & I feel better than I have in months. (Minus the stupid ankle pain but that will heal - eventually)

Tonight's Agenda - Choose one vice to give up for the week & one healthy one to take its place
                              Meal Plan
                              Work on Photography biz

Check back tomorrow and see what my vice is that's going out the door ~ Any guesses?  I will also post my meal plan for the week!

Stopping the Negativity

This post started out as an angry rant at the plus size designers.  Then I hit the delete button ~ Why?

Cause my way of thinking all started to change when I started reading this blog http://fitmamatraining.com - she is amazeballs. What she was saying really started sinking in. There is enough negative in this world that I am so tired of hearing, seeing it and living it. I have decided to start shaking the negative out of my life and house.

No more focusing on what I can't do, no more hating what I see in the mirror. If I can't give it love I will at the very least give it acceptance. The scale no longer holds power over me. In fact, it's going straight to the garbage.

No more negative self talk ~ Embrace my life and live in the joy of it.

Exercise Addiction

Everyone has heard about Runner's High - That magical rush of endorphins at the end of a run.  Can you get that same high from other activities? Is it mentally healthy to be striving for that runner's high?

Runner's high is like that one sexy amazing man that you compare everyone else to.  Nothing ever quite makes the cut.  Everything else always disappoints.    If your lucky enough to be able to run without injury you can add in other activities and not be disappointed by them. But man, when an injury rears it's ugly head and you can no longer run - nothing ever satisfies you quite the same way. 

I haven't felt runner's high in months. I have not been able to run 9 very long months.  It's driving me bonkers this spring that I can't go out and feel that fresh cool breeze rush across my face, the sweat and tears pouring out as those miles add up. The pride of accomplishing something I never thought that I would be able to do.

So, I have settled for running's Mistress - Swimming. While I get a slight high off it ~ It still doesn't compare to running. Its like settling for Vanilla ice cream when you really wanted that pint of Rocky Road.  You know what though ~ It's a heck of a lot better than sitting my ass on the couch gaining even more weight!

Restart....Wait a sec!

Restart......Didn't I just promise myself that? Doesn't that mean that I should have started in the first place?

I feel like I am at rock bottom and swimming sideways.  I can get one thing going - right now I am completely happy with my exercise but the damn demon called food beckons me like you wouldn't believe. Wendy's Canadian Classic is truly evil (but tastes so damn good - twss)  I have had two in the last two days uggg I don't even want to see the calorie count on that.

So here I am vowing once again to "restart"  That means I REALLY need to give it my all this time. No more lying to myself. I am feeling like I am starting to run out of second chances. I want to LIVE - like really live.  No more being afraid to try new things, no more saying no I don't want to do that when its fear of being to big, or looking to big.   I wanna hang with my skinny friends and not worry about how I look to outsider ~ I just want to be able to enjoy myself.

So how do I do it? How do I control the food cravings so they don't control me....

More Than Just a Number

I really really struggle with the number on the scale. It does not like to move for me no matter what.  It frustrates me so much that I end up weighing myself approximately 3-5 times a day.

I know - Completely unhealthy.

I am breaking up with my scale (kinda) I will weigh myself once per day this week and then I am going to cut back to every other day and then hopefully get to a once a week.  Breaking addictions are hard to do.

I've come to realize that even though the scale hasn't moved for me in a couple of weeks, I have lost 5" off my waist! FIVE FREAKING INCHES!!!!!!!!

I feel great. My clothes are fitting better!  Maybe someday soon I will comfortable enough to share my photos with you but for now, I'm still re-building my confidence!

Feeding an addiction

For months I have been going nuts about not being able to run because I am recovering from an injury (I am sure that I have driven my husband and close friends bat-shit crazy about it) I sucked it up (so I won't have to suck it in) and bought a pool membership. 

The first time I went I wore my two piece tankini bathing suit - well it must be a little small cause every lap I swam either the top rolled up or the bottoms slid down (Now there is a mental image I am sure you didn't need) I swam for almost 1/2 hour. I would rotate between laps and treading water (running) in the deep end.  I was so week that I could only do 10 laps before I would need to tread or run.

The second time I went I bought myself a one piece (the sight of my thighs in the mirror of the store scared myself) Felt just a bit stronger when I was swimming plus I wasn't worried about body parts escaping ;)

Then I went last night and man what a difference it made I can now do 20 laps before I need to switch to treading.

Just that small advance in a stronger body felt so good!  I know that I am ready to lose this weight this time. Its finally clicked and its all about me! My eating has been pretty good, keeping the portion sizes normal & treating myself once in a while so I don't feel deprived.  That's the key isn't - don't deprive yourself.  It will just make you feel worse about yourself in the long run and cut out the negative self talk.

Well it's off to the pool for me!

My Monday

Gonna take a look at what my days normally look like. Now today is a stay at home cleaning day.   Normally cleaning would only take a person a little while - however every 10-15 minutes I have to sit so that I don't trash my back.  

A day in my life:

6-6:55 - Get K ready for school - Check
6:55-7:45 - J & my breakfast - Check
7:45-9 - Unload & reload dishes, start today's laundry (Towels)
9-10 - Wash glasses and big pots by hand & more laundry
10-11 - Clean counters and tables and any other flat surface off - So it's 10:16 and I am just starting on the last chore - it's gonna be a long day!
11-12 - Quick tidy in bathroom & living room & more laundry (beginning to see a trend here)
12-1 - Sweep & start lunch prep (Finally caught back up to my time frame!)
1-2 - Sort laundry and put in that persons room - Yeah, this one ain't getting done today. My back is done!
2-3 - Spend one on one time with J & one more load of laundry (tempted to join nudist colony)
3-4 - Homework
4-5 - Supper Prep
5-6:15 - Supper
6:30-7:30 - Youth Group
7:45 - Bedtime for K & J
8-8:45 workout & shower
Then finally I get time to relax with the hubz

Just cause I am a stay at home momma ~ That doesn't mean I don't have a full day! 

To Shake or not to Shake

I have been using Visalus shake since the beginning of the Year.  At first I loved the shakes, the taste and all the different concoctions.  However, I've come to realize - they aren't magic - you still gotta work effing hard to make the weight disappear.  While on Visalus - I lost 7 lbs.....This is not a huge number and it sure as heck ain't a large enough number for me to fork over $116 every month.  So, like I said, they aren't magical - they are just a good tasting calorie controlled meal replacement - nothing special in them. I made the choice today to stop the shakes, my stomach wasn't handling them well.  Where do I go from here?

Well I guess it's back to Calorie counting and watching my portion sizes.  I am going to try and keep my eating as clean as possible - I WILL not give cheese up ;)

Today is my first day back at eating "real" food so here is my breakfast - plain & boring - but it keeps it easy!

I must tell you those are some big A$$ strawberries! Breakfast weighs in at 327 Calories.  And my first bottle of water is down the hatch!.

Life's a Package Deal

I sit here blogging when I should be cleaning but I wanted to share my thoughts.  I've come to realize that life's a package deal.  When I let my house & finances get in a mess that's when my weight goes up. When I control those areas of my life that's when I can bring my weight down and I feel good about myself...I have those skinny day's where I feel good, & I mean really good about myself. Do I think its all tied together - you betcha.  So, you would think that I would keep it together at all times then I wouldn't get any fatter and I would have a clean house and the bills would be paid....Well life isn't that easy.

But I will be damned if I am not trying my hardest. 

Today I am going to attack that mountain of laundry & then I am going to torture my body with that device called the bowflex down in my dungeon.

One day at a time I will tackle my life and regain control.

Hitting Rock Bottom

One of these days I won't have to say "I'm starting over" - At least that's what I keep telling myself.  I've been a fatty as many years as I have been skinny now.  I've yo-yo'd all over the place and when it comes back on it only goes higher.

I always say "This time is going to be different"

Then when I fail I whine "I don't understand why I can't lose weight"

Well lets see could it be the two McDonald's meals that I eat in secret in the back part of the parking lot?  Could it be the entire pie that I ate?  I delusionally tell myself that no - it can't be any of those things.  That I did everything that I could.  WRONG That's a Big fat can of lies.  Deep down I know it. 

I am so tired of feeling like a busted can of biscuits. I want to wear pants that don't have 80% spandex in the list of materials.  I want my husband to WANT to go all 50 Shades on me not just phone it in.

I hit rock bottom this week when I realized I weighed more than my mom.  I Don't feel like I am as heavy as the number on the scale says I am. But like I said earlier - I have delusional tendancies.

So here I am back on the bandwagon again for the bazillionth time ~ This time I am staying right here! And not getting my ass down till I fit in some skinny clothes.  So if you feel like tagging along on my journey and my life in general - hit the subscribe button and lets see where this takes us!