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Thursday, May 22, 2014

Pretty Pretty Bling Bling

I LOVE jewelry and am completely enjoying making it (though I wish I had more time to sit and experiment)

The best thing about metal stamped jewelry - it's never perfect.  That's what makes it so unique!

Here are a few of the pieces that I have made lately!




If you are lookin' to purchase a little somethin' something - head on over to my Etsy shop :) Vintage Glamour Canada  or email me at mcknight.alicia@gmail.com if you want something custom made!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Going Gluten Free

I did it, I jumped on the gluten free bandwagon.  I didn't do it to be cool, I didn't do it as a weight loss quick fix (because it is neither easy nor quick). I did it because I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired every.damn.day.

Over the past 10ish years, I have developed some not so fun issues.  Diarrhea, sulphur gas, vomiting, constipation, bloating & cramping - just to name a few.....Extra hair grown where there shouldn't be, thinning of my hair, weight gain, brain fog, joint pain, anxiety, bone weary exhaustion, depression, mood swings & no more menstrual cycle.

Doctors have made me feel like I am crazy when I go in with these issues and they find "nothing" on their blood work.  Funny, I know that something is wrong.  For a long time I refused to go to the doctor at all about any problem because all I seem to hear from them is 'lose weight, you'll feel better'.  Well I am sure I will, but when you have a hard time losing and pain that keeps you from working out, well that's the last thing that you want to hear.


I am finding that I no longer feel bloated, no more gas, haven't had diarrhea.  But the craziest thing I have felt change since I started eating this way - I no longer have the urge to binge eat or overeat.  My binge eating has always driven me a little crazy because I could never put a "feeling" as to why I was doing it.  It just wasn't emotional to me. If anything I felt detached.  I would get a jaw clenching, need to have this item feeling that I would eat and eat until I felt so full I felt sick.  I wasn't doing it because I felt sad, angry or lonely.  I could never pinpoint it why.  I now stop when I feel myself getting full.  Now, it just seems to have disappeared.  I never would have ever linked those two things together, and who knows I might be crazy and it might all be in my head.   

It is for sure a hard thing to do but man, the benefits are unreal for me! Weekly meal planning and grocery shopping take a little longer and labels now get read.  I stay away from pre-packaged items and make more stuff from scratch.  I find myself choosing more whole foods, fruits & vegetables.  Eating out is definitely where I feel most uncomfortable about gluten free. There are not many options in the small town that I live in especially when two of the restaurants that carried gluten free menu items were affected by the flood.    We went to a restaurant on Friday night, I was craving poutine - well gravy has flour in it.  So I ordered Poutine - hold the gravy lol. It's all a learning curve and one day it will be easier.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

It's Just Clothing - Cleaning out My Closet

I hear my husband and my best friend saying this to me over and over.....It's just a piece of clothing Alicia



Why do I hold on to this stuff. Is it really just clothing? Yes, it's just fabric, buttons and stitches.  But to me it has been so much more.  Fabric woven of memories of better times, buttons that want me to stay in the past & every stitch seems to be laced with the could've should've & would've.

It has take me a long time to realize that  I don't need to cling to the past. It isn't where I want to live anymore.  I want to live my life wide awake, eye wide open and enjoying every-freaking-moment! 


I'm trying to live my life with new rules when it comes to my clothing - If It's Not a Hell Yes ~ It's A Hell No.  I want my clothes to reflect how I see myself and how I want the world to see me.  And that means no more ill fitting, ripped, torn & stained clothing.

Out with the old and in with the new.  I have been re-building my wardrobe from the errrr foundations up.  Sexy lingerie - was my first big purchase - bottom line -  I wanted to feel sexy again for me....not for anyone else. This journey is about ME.

You might think it would be easy to just chuck out this old stuff, but I've had to work through a ton of limiting beliefs about getting rid of these clothes.  I thought I would share some of them with you cause if you are going through the same thing, I don't want you to feel alone. There were two types of clothing that I needed to clean out of my closet in order to move on with my life - Skinny Clothes & Clothes That Made Me Feel Like Shit when I wore them.   Here are my limiting beliefs and what I told myself to overcome them. 

Skinny Clothes:
  • What if I get skinny again? Do you really want to be wearing fashions from 10 years ago?  Your personal style has evolved since then.  Plus who doesn't love to shop! 
  • If I get rid of them, isn't that like giving up the dream of being skinny & healthy?  Just cause I throw away clothes doesn't mean that I need to stop moving or fueling my body in a way that I deserve - it's JUST clothing.  They hold no power
Clothes That Made Me Feel Like Shit:
  • I don't fit right in clothes - sure some styles don't suit me but that is the same with EVERYONE
  • It doesn't matter what I look like - Just because I have been married FOREVER and because I have been a stay at home mom for a long time doesn't mean that I shouldn't take the time to look good and make myself feel good.
  • It fits so I better keep it - NEVER again will I wear something that doesn't stop and make me say "Damn, I loooook Goood"
  • I will have no clothes left - This is one that I have really struggled with in a lot of areas in my life.  Money, food (binging) and even hanging in my closet.  BUT, Really???? Really????? Please see photos below.  1st photo shows about....oh lets say.....150ish items of clothing + the stuff that I had already sold this winter.  2nd photo well, as you can see my closet is still full....

That my lovelies, is the pile of clothing that came out of my closet.  
(no wonder I worried that I would be left with nothing)
what you can't see in this photo are two piles in the back row that are hidden by the pile of cardigans in the from (yes, I will be attending Cardigans Anonymous in the near future)

But as you can see there are still a ton of options in my closet 

  
 This was definitely not an easy task.  I have been working on it for the last month to work past all these fears.  Thank god I have a wonderful support system that talk me down off the ledge...Even if they can barely understand me through the tears and hysterics when I place my favorite pair of skinny capris in the discard pile.

When I finished and took these photos ~ I felt so amazingly free.  Unbelievable.  Then I thought to myself - why didn't I do this sooner..... 

What's holding you back?






Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Information Overload

The health and fitness world is such a confusing place.  No wonder it's hard to lose weight.  There are tons of conflicting statements that you hear... Sometimes it makes me want to hide under the blankets and just stay there.


How much you should workout, for how long and how hard...
The food you should eat, low fat, low cal, paleo, gluten free, clean eating and this list could go on....
Which vitamins & supplements to take...
Which workouts are most effective...
A gym membership versus the home gym...
To count calories and to track food...
Do you jump on the scale to weigh yourself or do you let your clothes decide...

The research is even more confusing cause when you read about one you seem convinced that this is what you need and then you open the next article and you see tons of great information backing it up as well.

Everyone is different and what works for me isn't going to work for everyone.

I feel like I have tried all the options and now as I sit here typing this I am assessing what is working for me.


In my life right now I feel like I am spinning in a rut when it comes to working out.  And by that I mean - I have no ambition to workout.  Which I don't get cause I LOVE a good sweat.  I love how badass I feel afterwards.  I don't use my workouts as punishment. I always have loved them. But lately, I just can't seem to make myself want to take the time.  Which is completely silly cause it's only an hour out of my day max.  What I am going to commit to is walking  10 - 15 minutes a day.  Just to get back in the groove.  And maybe someday that walking will turn to running again.  I also love yoga so I am sure that will enter in to my plan some days as well.  

For food choices - I like to keep it simple.   As fresh and natural as possible, and if it is packaged - I like to be able to read the ingredients.  

Vitamins and supplements - well I just feel lost on this one - I don't want to be taking a billion pills a day.  So I think I have settled on the following list
  • CoEnzyme Q10 
  • A Calcium, Magnesium & Vitamin D
  • A Multi Vitamin for Women
  • A Vitamin B complex 
  • Chia Seeds
I also think that for me - I need to track the foods that I am eating to make sure I am eating enough so that I don't go into binge mode cause I have gotten to hungry.  I don't plan on using that tracking to be restrictive in my eating.  Cause that causes binge eating as well..... Heck, it seems like just breathing causes binge eating.

Annnnd, This brings us to that evil thing called a scale.  There have been points in my life that I have jumped on that thing MULTIPLE times a day.  I have finally gotten myself to a point in which I can go to a few days in between weighing in.  I would like it to be a once a week kinda thing......I like to see the number going down.

The most important thing is to do this journey with love for yourself, your body & your mind.  

I would love to hear what works and what doesn't work for you!

Friday, May 9, 2014

Adventures in Mommyhood

Everyone remember that 80's movie Adventures in babysitting? I love that movie.  When you think life is going to be dull - it turns out to be anything but.  Well I guess that happens when you have a husband & kids.....And two dogs & a cat.  At least I convinced my husband that the baby raccoon did not make a suitable pet.  It feels like everyday I have some crazy story about one of the kids or the pets.....Usually one child in particular and one dog in particular.  Perhaps I should have called this blog the days of Jacob & Judd.  Thankfully both are very cute and cuddly and make up for the fact that they ate my makeup or hid priceless jewelry in my furniture or ate my favorite pair of shoes or decide to get up for the day at 4:30am.   (Hope you can figure out which ones were by child and which ones were by canine) But I digress what I want to talk about is going back to work.  

Transitioning from being a stay at home mom to back to working part time has been an adventure in balance.  Do I come home and clean and not play with my kids or do I play with my kids and ignore the housework?  I am thankful that I only work part time and use my days off for catching up.   My house is messier more than it is not.  Little ones are only so small for such a short time.  I would much rather and snuggle and read a book to them than to do whatever chore that is lacking.  I will admit that even when I was a stay at home mom I tended to let cleaning go by the side so that I could spend more time with the kids

A clean "perfect" house used to cause me so much anxiety and panic attacks if someone were to come over.  I would go into a frenzy of cleaning when they told me they were coming and well, let me tell you, if they showed up unannounced my chest would stay tight for the entire visit.  I can hear myself saying these words over and over - "so sorry for the mess".   I was embarrassed that I wasn't perfect.  I thought that it had to be a certain way. 

It wasn't until recently that I have been able to relax over this to tell the perfectionist in me that it is OK to not be supermom, to not have it all done.  That it's normal to ask for help.  I use a daily goal list to help me check off what  I want to get done.  Let me tell you there is something very empowering to see that check mark.  If for some reason I don't finish checking off that list - well that's OK too!

If you come to visit at any given time - be prepared to look past the laundry pile that isn't folded and the dishes that aren't done.   I can promise you a love and friendship filled visit but I won't promise you a spotless house.

  Yeah - These Guys - They make my world go round!

Thursday, May 8, 2014

I'm Back!

For my whole life I have felt like I didn't know what to do. Not with my life, with my children & even in love I felt unsure. Who knew that a silly internet quiz would awaken in me the urge, no the absolute need to put words to paper (or fingers to keys) I grew up mediocre, never excelling at anything. Starting new ideas and never following through. I had big dreams but no idea how to make any of them come true. Hell, I didn't even know which of them were truly mine and which were what every one else wanted me to be. That's the problem with a people pleaser. You go about your life making everyone else happy and then you wind up 32, very overweight, lonely and depressed. You realize that you no longer know how to make you happy.

For me I can pinpoint the exact moment in my life that this indecisiveness landed in my lap. I walked in to my senior year confident, beautiful and loved by my friends and boyfriend. In my short 18 years of life I had wanted to be a dancer, singer, an actress, model, fashion designer, lawyer, a physcologist, a teacher & a chef. Senior year should be an exciting time in life, I mean shouldn't you have it all figured out by then? I can honestly say that I didn't. I felt pulled in so many directions. Then somehow it just all started falling apart. I grew distant from my friends, I started gaining a little weight and this overwhelming fear of failure set in. Each career choice that I would consider I would create such a list of cons that I would end up discarding it. Everyone was giving me their opinion on what I should do with my life. When it came time for me to start my work term class, I thought that I wanted to be a chef. Then panic set in as I was having my interview with a local restaurant to job-shadow. I left the interview in tears and I went home to my mom and hysterically sobbed – I don't want to be a chef. I couldn't explain why. Just that I didn't want to do it anymore. So what was I going to do, I had to do something for the work term. I ended up taking an easy way out - an internship in the music department of the elementary school. From there I thought maybe a teacher is my calling. I convinced myself four plus years of schooling is not my cup of tea. Then comes the time that college applications have to be. I still had no clue what I wanted to do. I felt crazy pressure to make the absolute right choice, no mistakes allowed. Everyone has always said how I am so much like my mother. If that is the case shouldn't I follow in her footsteps and be a human service counsellor? So that's what I did. Though I enjoyed this career in theory. I quickly learned that I was not cut out for it. I have wasted so much of my life regretting the decision to attend college for human services. The money that I wasted. The fact that I now have no education in any other field. I've allowed it to taint all future decisions. Never really trusting myself to make the right decision on anything. Always seeing regret in anything that I do. Fear of failure keeping me from trying new things. I've allowed myself to live a sheltered life in a bubble and never really reaching out there to grasp what I want. Please don't get me wrong. I am very blessed in my life, I adore my children and I love my husband beyond a doubt.

There is so much pressure to have it all figured out. To know exactly where you are going. I applaud those who do. I think that is amazing. I just don't operate that way and it took me a long time to figure that out, and an even longer time accepting and loving that about myself. It is part of what makes me, well, Me.

I now look back at that decision to attend college for human services as just one choice in a life filled with many. While not perfect, I am who I am meant to be at this moment. I'm learning to live in the moment. Throwing away those could have, should have, would haves. Not worrying about the what if's, not waiting for my life to be perfect. Living in the moment and enjoying every minute. 
 
I can't promise what the topics will be in this blog, but I can promise that they will be authentically me. Sometimes your going to tune in to fitness, fashion, life & sex.  So if you are still hanging around grab a cup of tea, and welcome to my life.