Hey Everyone! It's Monday morning again. I am 4 days post Simply For Life. What have I learned in that time - It's hard to start trusting myself with food. Damnit I knew it wasn't going to come easy. That it wouldn't just be a switch that I flipped and ta-da Alicia can make all the yummy food and eat it in perfect portions then put it away.
It's going to take time, effort and self awareness. I need to focus on my eating - not reading an article & eating or watching another addictive episode of something or other on Netflix & eating. This is so foreign to me to eat without saying I'm on a diet or I can't have that it's not on my plan. Then the flip side of that coin is not shoveling in the food so fast that I don't taste it. To not sit with my face inches from my face, claw like grip on the plate, wild eyes inhaling the food that I took the time to prepare with love. I have eaten like this so that it was done and over quickly - I always felt judged about the food choices I was making. If I ate outside of the diet plan - was I being judged as a lazy fat slob who obviously doesn't care how fat she gets? If I ate on plan - were the whispers I feared be that I must be faking this healthy eating life because look at her she is still fat? Those were the worries I had every single meal I ate. Every single time I took a bite of something in public.
Unfortunately these aren't fears that will go away overnight. I must learn patience - even though that is not my strongest virtue. I will need to remind myself that I am perfect as I am, that I deserve to eat food that makes me feel good. I need to take this journey one day at a time. Today's goal is to eat 1 meal mindfully. I will sit at a table, one bite at a time. I will pause between bites and sip water. Slow things down and just enjoy the foods that I have chosen to fill myself with today.
Have a great Monday everyone!
